Broken Laptop

OK... so it's not this bad... but it feels like this. I'm tempted to go with Leelee's advice and try and fix it myself. If it were a desktop I wouldn't think twice about fixing it. But I have no experience fixing laptops.

So until I figure out how to blog on my Blackberry, I'll be blogging less. Avi isn't the best at sharing. (I don't blame him at all). He's sharing right now or I wouldn't be blogging.

I just wanted to those of you who missed out on the Facebook drama, to know that I'm without my lovely computer. I miss it, but not as much as you'd expect.

I feel really bad for Zee. He doesn't get to play at all. At least he has his DS. And he's hit that stage where he can't get enough reading. I checked out this huge volume of the Chronicles of Narnia for him. He saw the second movie and wanted to read the first part. I kid you not, the book is as big as War and Peace. His eyes got really big, but then I showed him how many books were in the volume. I'll be proud of him if he reads just one of the books.

I gotta run. I'm feeling better every day. I worked really hard this weekend so my body aches, but its good aches. I've been hunting all over my house for a certain card that is vital to a meeting I'm having on Thursday. So my house is clean (minus 6 bags of goodwill and 5 bags of trash). (haven't found the card, but I found a copy of the card and I'm praying this will work).

Love you! Nee

Crochet

OK, I tried posting one of my own videos, but it didn't work. I found the video I posted yesterday and felt it was the simplest. She starts out showing how to chain stitch. Then when she goes the other way, she is displaying the single crochet. I have pictures that show step by step, and I will post those as well. I just wanted to post something and watching someone crochet is the best way!

If you would like to schedule a lunch time with me at the East Branch library, we can do that. I think that might be the simplest way to have hands on teaching. Bring your favorite yarn (nothing too fancy for first timers) and a basic crochet hook (I use an H-8). Just email me at janinedeckard@gmail.com and we can schedule an hour and you'll be able to do the basics.

Happy Monday!

How to crochet: video

The next few posts...

 

I just came back from the shower (so much fun!) and met the neatest ladies!

Well, I'm going to take the next few posts on my blog to teach the basics of crochet. I'm having so much fun making cute things for everyone on my gift list. One of them is a crocheted rose. I hope to be able to take pictures and get them posted to show how I make them. Crochet is so much fun. I love the way knitting looks, but I'm still in kindergarten when it comes to knitting. 

What is the difference between knitting and crochet?

Knitting needs 2 needles and crochet needs a hook.

I'll even try my hand at posting video. See you soon!

Cane Free

I haven't used my cane for two days. My leg is sore and can definitely tell. My knee is tired, but I feel stronger and it feels good to walk and have two hands. I don't feel like I'm going to fall.

My reaction time is faster. My speech is still gobbled up, but I figure it's going to take some time to repair it all. It's wonderful to be able to go to the break-room without having to plan how I was going to carry my drinks back to my desk. 

The fatigue seems less extreme. I'm pretty sleepy by the time work is over, but that's how it SHOULD be, not sleepy right after I wake up. 

My numbers at work have doubled. I feel like I'm doing much better. I still have a ways to go before I'm 100%, but I'm not worried so much about my job. Praise God!

I just wanted to give an update. 

Hanukkah's meaning

I take Hanukkah to mean I should not compromise my beliefs no matter if my life is at stake. That's what happened during the time of the Maccabees. They were told that they were to Hellenize or be killed. Be Greek or else. That all things Jewish were forbidden. All things Torah are bad. To obey Hashem was to watch your family die. Many people lied and pretended to be Greek and yet hid their faith behind closed doors. We are so blessed to live in this amazing country where we can live our faith out loud and obey God without fearing for our lives. I remember at this time of year that it isn't so in many countries. Whether it's Russia where they just tell the generations that God is dead or China where faith is against the communist way, let us remember our God fearing brethren in the world around us. And pray for a time of Peace when we can all worship Him in freedom.

This weekend...

I had a lovely Thanksgiving meal at Aunt Lavonna's house. Great food that I've been eating all weekend.

I've been cleaning and cleaning. I wish I had three of me, but alas it isn't to be.

Tzipi is thrilled that her birthday is so close. We hung streamers and made cookies. I figured the more I do today, the less I have to do this coming week.

I'm tired and I've done quite a bit. I wish the house looked better than it does, but I've been so busy baking and cooking, that the house is lived in. The floors are mopped, the bathroom is spotless and even the toaster oven got TLC.

Each time Tzipi gave me lip about not stopping what I was doing and meeting her needs right away, I said, "who am I doing this for?" She looked at me and said, "me". She loves to make me feel bad whenever I say no, "you hate me" is her reply. It stings, but I know it's just that good ol child power struggle. She was a princess today though and only had a couple issues. She was a big help too.

I know my house will be spotless when the kids are grown, but I would like to have company over once in a while without having to work so hard. This too shall pass, all to quickly. I'll do my best to enjoy it while I can.

He will eat ANYTHING!

I'm not kidding. Our Siamese cat will eat anything. He ate a piece of donut from Tzipi's mouth, a piece of bread, he licked my oatmeal bowl clean this morning and he ate a piece of potato.


I had another male cat that ate broccoli and other veggies, but a donut?!?!

Things improving...

13 days into treatment...

The Super Foods or as I like to call it, green slime has helped fix a major problem. It's not something I like to talk about... but I want to say that thanks to this disgusting stuff that is thick and sandy I am shall we say, regular, for the first time ever. Without pain when nature calls. May seem like a simple problem, but trust me it has plagued me for my whole life.

I still have lots of pain in my spine and head, in the right-side where the shingles had the outbreak, and have pins and needles as well. My left leg and hip hurt too, but in a different way. I'm supposed to start the second anti-viral med soon and I'm hoping since it's supposed to deal with the inflammation-causing virus, I'm hoping it will deal with more of the pain.

I can also tell a difference with my focus and thought process. I still struggle with memory, but my focus is sharper and I can stay on task a bit better.

I'm trying to cut down on my anxiety medicine, but I'm not happy with the results. I am having more stress attacks, but once my system levels out I hope to see improvement here as well. I'm supposed to see my primary on the 30th so we'll talk about these things then.

I did a technical presentation on Viral Neuropathy for Toastmasters and it went very well. With power point and everything! It was cathartic to talk about it to my friends.

Lazer

Yes. We have a second cat. Was this planned? Not really. But I couldn't let a kitten freeze to death.(And it's thanks to Facebook that I found out about him). So we have a beautiful Siamese kitten. He's about 9 weeks old and he was starving when he came to our house. He didn't hide like most new kittens. He instantly started cuddling and eating. He slept in our bed on the first night. Other than dealing with our grouchy Old Maid, Bunny who wants to hunt him instead of mother him, things are awesome. He is a busy little guy and it's hard to get a straight on picture of his beautiful blue eyes. We brought Bunny into bed with us so she realized that we still loved her. I've asked Zee to work extra hard with her so she continues to feel loved. She's not cuddly, but she sleeps with us. Tzipi has claimed Lazer as her own, so it all works out. Tzipi is so happy.

The decision is made

Well, I thought I'd still be a Stampin' Up rep and I'd just have to meet last quarter's quota in addition to this quarter's quota, but I was wrong. I tried to log in, not so much. I emailed Stampin' Up, and they let me know I could request an exception due to medical illness, but I decided to accept what is. So I'm officially just down to one job again. It was a lot of fun and as much as I'd love to continue doing it, I just can't. I loved doing it, but I just can't physically do it. If I ever decide to stop working full time, at least I know what I can do and do well. I have some great tools that I wouldn't have otherwise and I have some great memories.

A less confusing picture...

Sometimes you just gotta...

Suck your toes...

By Golly I think I did it!

Well, in spite of the brain fog, I feel like I did a good job on the test I had at work today. I was really nervous. But I had 4 hours to answer 100 questions on a subject I have been DOING for 3 years. There were a few questions that had me stumped, but it was open book.  I struggled with finding where some of them were, but I had plenty of time to go through the book and find the source. It's a BIG book too. It's not brightly colored with fun pictures like back in school. It's just lots of words. I'm visual, so needless to say, NOT MY FAVORITE BOOK! I went over and over each answer, and I looked up the ones I felt doubtful about and tried to find their origin in the book. I'm not sure when I find out my grade, but not having too much pressure once I realized how much I could get done, I took my time. I took 2 hours. I'm very proud of myself regardless of my grade. And it's over! YAY!

Let the healing begin

OK, for those sci-fi nerds out there, remember the scene where Daniel puts Sha'uri in the white Egyptian Alien technology bed that glowed white and she came out all nice and alive in Star Gate the movie? THAT would be soooo nice! (PS. Mili Avital, this actress? She's Israeli)

But that's science fiction. This is my third night on the medication and I can feel it doing stuff. Pokey is a good way to describe it. Nausea too. But that could be my GI tract getting repaired from the green slime. My brain fog has been really intense today. But it's doing something. Just want to keep you updated. Obviously my boring and lame car post got no response. So I'll stick with current events. :-)

Tzipi sewed her first pillow with the sewing machine. I'm so very proud of her. I hope we can spend many hours sewing Barbie fashions. She's a very good learner. I have to say I am very impressed.

Azariah is eager for Hanukkah. He's always about the next party or family event. I need to bring his focus around for Thanksgiving so he can make some awesome art for us. (I love his drawings) He's doing really well at school. He has nearly finished his homework that is due Friday. I'm so proud of him. On top of it!

Avi worked doing landscaping again today. He enjoys getting out and working. Tzipi tagged along with toys and had a blast. She's a good little helper, when she's not tired and cranky.

By the way... what is the plan for Thanksgiving. I heard Lavonna was going to host it at her house, but I haven't heard anything more than this. I'm not a last minute gal. I've been buying the things I need to make my first walnut maple pie, and we're talking weeks away. So if we can start a thread on Facebook or something, I'd be grateful. :-) I guess I will. OK... Off to Facebook I go...

My first car

 

My friend's daughter just got her first car. I got all nostalgic when I got to thinking about my first car. 1981 Honda Prelude. Such a fun car to drive! I bet the 'ol girl is still going. Daddy bought her for $500.00 at a car auction dealer place. He talked the guy down from $650.00. It's not a practical car for a family, but it was perfect for a single girl. What was your first car?

Whataday!

See all these test tubes???? These are all mine. 

OK, not really, but close. 12! 12 vials. That's crazy! The lab tech said the most he's done on someone smaller than me was 15 vials and she was 17 years old. I heard the ocean and felt pins and needles in my arm. I pushed myself, but what else is a girl to do?! Plus I was hoping that my Endocrinologist would call in his RX for my kidney infection and I could fill all my prescriptions at once. That didn't happen. I'm hoping I can go at lunch tomorrow and get my new meds filled.

I guess the best way to explain what is happening to me, is that the doctors (in April when I originally developed the shingles) just prescribed enough viral meds to force the virus (herpes zoster) into smaller clusters. They fled throughout my system wreaking chaos and damaging my nerves. Doctor Taylor with the NeuroSensory Center of Austin says that once I take the anti-viral meds, it will take somewhere around 6 weeks to start seeing improvement. He said that these 6 weeks will be difficult but that with the immune support I'm also taking in the form of a topical creme, a liquid mega vitamin, and a food supplement; I should start seeing my life return to a better quality. The anti-viral meds will encapsulate the virus but only my immune system can eradicate them. He said that he and his associate, Dr. Stewart, had found that virus' are to blame for much of what people are simply treating the symptoms. We will see, in six weeks, if this is the case for me.

I'm totally not looking forward to feeling worse before I feel better, but I'm looking forward to the end result. I will still need to monitor my spinal syrinx and make sure that doesn't get too big, and I want to make sure my thyroid stays healthy (which a lot of the new boosters I'm taking will do). It's been a long road, but I've learned a lot through this whole trial.

On another note...

Hobby Lobby is a large store right? It's overwhelming. I'm normally exhausted after I go since there are so many things to look at and so much store to cover. Well, watch out people! It's getting bigger. That's right. They are in the middle of a remodeling. This store in Amarillo will be the THIRD largest out of 500 with Oklahoma's store being the headquarters and the largest. Don't believe me? Go check it out. It's a mess right now, and you can tell they hired a whole bunch of new staff to handle the demand. I went to get some birthday stuff for two little girls I know and golly was I shocked! They hope to get it all finished by Christmas! I wish they paid a lot because I would so love to work there. Oh well, I'll just shop there. :-)

Fun in Austin

See this? It's delicious.

See this? It's yummy too!


Notice how dessert is first and "dinner" is last? It didn't come this way, but WOWZA! What a treat! Everything we ate was super! Just right. Not too much. Just right. My favorite thing was that I was able to eat dessert without worrying about caffeine! I'm still sleepy! Woohoo!

I think Leelee and I are still a bit loopy from such a long drive. I am looking forward to a great nights' sleep. I hope everything runs smoothly at the doctor's office. We find it in time. They run their tests. They find the solution to my problems. And the rest is fun!

It's really dark out, or I would talk about Austin's landscape.

My brain is mush. Bed is calling. :-)

To Avi... I love you...

Danny & Annie from StoryCorps on Vimeo.

6 days...

 

Until I go to Austin. 

Please Creator, guide the doctors to the answers that we need to find the way to treatment and recovery. Thank you for Your blessings and for opening this door in a miraculous way! 

Psalms 32:14. When I am healed I will praise You : Blessed be the Lord, God of Israel, from eternity to eternity. Amen. Amen 

Toastmasters Conference 2010

Wow! I have had so much fun crammed into just a few hours. I posted hourly pictures on Facebook. I've learned so much that I can't wait until I get to share all my fun with my fellow Toastmasters back at work. I am so glad I was blessed with this opportunity. My body is wiped out, but this was such a time of personal growth.
I was nervous that my recent challenges would keep me from being comfortable and free to speak to strangers. However, as a first timer, they can't if you wanted to. There's this game where you have to get signatures from different people who hold offices and are from other towns. The more signatures, the more chances of winning. Right off the bat, I had people asking for my signature. It's a great idea!

Well, I took a pain pill, so it's starting to kick in. I have lots to talk about! I'll have to save it for later.

I hope you smile!

Twenty Wishes

I really like this whole series from Debbie Macomber. This particular book is second to last in the Blossom Street Book series. I can't ever put them down. I thought I'd post this because it encourages the reader to write down 20 wishes. They can be far fetched or near impossible or they can be simple and already planned. I've been working on my list for a while. I still have a few blank spaces, but I think it's a good thing to do. I wrote my list down in my special journal that I carry with me everywhere. It keeps me thinking of something different besides the things I can't change. I may not ever be able to meet all 20 wishes, but it is something to work for. Instead of just getting from this day to the next (which in itself is an accomplishment) you can feel a sense of fulfillment. Just a thought.

Dealing with Regret

When dealing with illness, it is often natural to look at the past. I'm not sure if everyone is so easily pained by regret, but the regrets in my life have often been crippling to me. I have finally found the strength to deal with these dark and heavy clouds. Time does heal all wounds, but they have to be properly cared for in the mean time or they will fester. My wounds were deep and full of bitterness. During my quiet time I have taken the time to face these ugly things that I can do nothing about and realize God's hand in the midst. I just simply wrote them down. But I only allowed the good to show through. If a thought came up that would breed anger, (which was quite frequent during the process) I wouldn't allow it. After I finished, I read it again and there was such a sense of peace. I can't change the things that happened in the past, but taking a new perspective on it all has helped so much. I am working to keep a positive outlook when going through even the most painful situations, and this allows me to keep from being hurt by things outside of my control. It truly is in how you decide to look at it. I'm looking forward to a future free of regret!

A break

 

I am so ready for a break this weekend. I am going to enjoy getting away.

I'm looking forward to seeing so many beautiful handmade things that I get dizzy.

I'm looking forward to eating so much food that I forget about being hungry. 

I'm looking forward to the kids having so much fun that they forget to fight.

I'm looking forward to using my cell phone for taking pictures and not for fighting boredom.

I can't wait to spend time with family and having work be only a memory.

It's only one day, but I promise it's the best fun I have all year!

Nee's Knee

At physical therapy on Friday, my PT and I agreed that it was time for a knee brace. My patella has shifted to the left causing me a great deal of pain. The muscles in my leg, involved with walking are weakened and my knee is taking the brunt of the strain. Avi and I got one last night with a refund we got from switching to All State Insurance. (Yay, Bill McDonald!). Anyway... I have to learn how to walk with this thing. It feels big and cumbersome.
I really want to get the house clean today. I got some work done last night in preparation for the Sabbath meal. But four people make a lot of mess. We will see how much I can get done.
Just wanted to post something.

Zee's special Night

 

Well, Zee had a special night on Friday. He received his own Torah and he had so much fun dancing and singing with the men carrying Torah scrolls. This picture is a little fuzzy, but my hands kept shaking too much. I know this is confusing to much of my family, but I identify with the Torah and following Hashem. I try not to talk about it or make it seem that I think differently since it is an uncomfortable subject for some. But I am not ashamed. I just don't want to pressure anyone to think that I think everyone should do what I do. This is a personal decision for me and my house. I love Hashem with all my heart, soul and mind. I simply don't want Tzipi and Zee to be confused about our faith. Being so isolated in what we believe can be difficult if I don't work very hard to set clear boundaries. Even though I may not agree with everything the local Temple does, they are a wonderful set of human beings that want to obey the Torah and build a community in Amarillo Texas. This is where I am for now and as much as I long to  be in the Holy Land, I must be content with where I am.

Please understand that I am totally happy to live in a Christian country and for the most part the Judeo-Christian relationship is one of peace and unity. We worship the same Creator, just in different ways. Different doesn't mean bad. Different is different.

If you have questions, please feel free to ask. I'd rather you know the truth than guess.

Holly Hobbled

 

Don't take your good health or good days that you have; for granted. 

My left side has been giving me fits for three days now. My knee was so bad on Thursday I couldn't walk. We tried TENS and a cortisone patch, but my knee still feels like someone swapped a 90 year old knee for my 32 year old one. Using an assisting device like a walker or a cane are great in big open spaces, but tight cluttered ones are a nightmare. I need to just get rid of everything. I tripped over my cane this morning and stubbed my left foot. Frustration with a capital F. RRRrrrrr. 

Or, I'm supposed to wear shoes at work, but how do I keep my shoe on my left foot, when I can't stand to put pressure on it? I basically drag my darn foot around at work. I'm going to try wearing my ugly sneaker that have fallen apart. They'll stay on.

I'm so tired. I'm not fun to be around. I struggle with coming up with things to say. People are naturally curious and want to know why a 32 year old is using a walker. I don't want to talk about it with people I just meet, cuz I don't want people to think that is all I am. 

No!

I love Public Speaking! 

I love crocheting (which I can't do cuz my arms hurt so badly)!

I love knitting (ditto)!

I love cooking (ditto)!

I love card making (ditto)

I love helping Zee with homework (this I can do, but I struggle with helping him because my brain and my mouth don't speak the same language anymore)!

I love cuddling with Tzipi (this takes no effort if she's in a good mood). 

I love sitting in bed talking with my soul mate. (I am really tired, but I do my best to be coherent).

I love shopping at thrift stores (when I don't have to pay medical bills).  

I love to play piano (ouch). 

I cry at stupid times. I don't cry when I should. Like on my Birthday. I really wanted to cry when Avi surprised me, but I couldn't. UNTIL an hour later next to the printer back at work. Or when I was in so much pain at the physical therapy appointment, and I cry in the room alone when the PT's getting the TENS unit. Why don't I cry when people are there to help me? 

I can't do the things I used to do, but I try not to think about it. I've canceled my latest scrapbook club meeting because of my health.

My work has been affected. I'm slower than I used to be. My daily average used to be 105. Now I'm blessed to get 50 done. My manager insists it won't affect my job, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.

Oh, and according to my neurologist, there's really nothing wrong. 

So that's why it is with great relief that I have an appointment with a specialist in Austin. A normal six month wait was for me a four week wait. God is good! I'm looking forward to hearing some solid answers and no more guessing. This is all the specialist deals with. Neurological problems. Rare disorders.

I'm going to keep up with Physical Therapy and hope this latest flare up passes soon. 

Again, remember, if you are feeling good right now, ENJOY IT!

I can almost smell it...

Success...

News: Dr. G was in a bicycle accident and fractured his pelvis. Please keep him in your prayers.

His nurse called and said that the growths are just cysts. I will have a follow up in three months. If I feel any swelling or pain, they will get me in as soon as possible. The lymph nodes can only be biopsied with surgery. My T3 levels are higher than they should be, so from what I read, it points towards Hashimoto's ( which my Grandma Smith has) or Hyperthyroidism. (I'll talk to my endocrinologist Nov 1st.)

Linda found a blog with a little boy with the same symptoms as I have. After a long and painful journey, they learned that their son had Demyelination... They found some specialists in Austin that were able to treat him. I tried calling today, but got the receptionists' voice mail. I printed out the new patient packet.

From what I've read Demyelinating Disease is a branch of other diseases like MS and Guillain-Barre Syndrome. So now, I just have to hope I can get in to see the specialists in Austin and if I need a referral I'll be able to get it and my insurance will pay for it all.

Guess what we get to do this weekend? Get Zee glasses! His school nurse says he needs glasses. When he was little (2, maybe...) Medicaid requested that we take him to the ophthalmologist. Way back then the doctor said that he needed glasses, but because he was so little and the vision loss wasn't severe, it would be a waste of time and money since babies can't really take care of them. I would rather not go to Wal-mart, but since he's covered with Medicaid, I guess that would be the easiest place. Of course, poor little Tzipi doesn't understand why she can't get glasses. I'm praying she won't need them just like her Abba.

Tzipi is doing really well in school. Her teacher says she can tell that Tzipi was in Head Start. She doesn't struggle with the same things her classmates struggle with. She bugs her Abba all morning, Can I go to school now? Now? How 'bout now?

Zee is doing really well. His work is getting harder and harder, but he's keeping up. He struggled with keeping quiet in class, but we've talked about it, and he's working hard to control his mouth. He's working to earn a Poptropica Hoodie. He has to apply himself and keep his mouth shut and obey his father without a snarky attitude. We will see how long it takes to earn it.

Well, that's all I can think of right now.

Update

I don't know when I will hear about the thyroid biopsy now. When I called the ENT on Monday, the receptionist said that Dr. G  had been injured and was unsure when he would be able to let me know of the results. So I guess I'll keep waiting.

Why I love Sukkot

Because we had so much rain this Sukkot, we only got to sit and eat last night in the sukkah. It was well worth the wait though. Embracing the cooler temperatures, spending time with family, and getting outside is a very healthy way to live. Most of the time, I don't have time to be outside. This holiday encourages being outside and enjoying what G-d created. It's also nice to know that families all over the world are following this custom. Here in Lubbock there were so many families that were celebrating Sukkot, it made me realize that no matter where we live we can love Torah and obey His commands. Surely there are people in Amarillo that are doing the same thing, but I have yet to meet them.
There are many spiritual reasons that G-d mandated Sukkot, but I'm not going to go into that. I just wanted to post that this year was pleasant and I'm so happy that we got to stop and remember how precious and connected this life is.

Dr. Usala

Well, Tina came and took me to Dr. Usala! I had so much fun getting to chat with her. We were there for a very long time. But time=quality with doctors. Dr. Usala was very thorough and very nice. I appreciated his time.
1. there is something wrong.
2.we don't know what it is.
3.we may need a spinal tap (lumbar puncture) to figure it out.

4. it looks like guillain-barre syndrome.
Side note: Andy Griffith has GBS.
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/guillain-barre-syndrome/DS00413
I have choked on spit quite a bit. In fact just two weeks ago I choked so bad, that my manager almost sent me home. This is the only weird thing that I just thought was me. Maybe it's not.
I'm sorry this isn't longer, but we're going to Lubbock this morning, so I have loads to do.

Thank you so much for taking your day to be with me Tina. I enjoyed our time together so very much! Hope we can get together again soon!

A friend in need...

 

My friend Kathy has offered to go with me for the fine needle biopsy. She survived the worst type of thyroid cancer. I go to her for a reality check when I get too freaked out. She said that she would have loved to have someone come with her, she went through it alone. So Tuesday we will set off from work and go to the Hospital. I will be awake and will see the long tiny needle as they poke it in my neck. She will be there to keep me calm and distracted. We called the hospital and will allow her in to the procedure with me. It should take an hour. I'm not sure if they will biopsy the thyroid and lymph glands, but they might. I will post as soon as I know something more.

Update

 I saw Dr. Plata on Wednesday. I thought it was silly that I was seeing a rheumatologist, but I actually like him very much. He's a good doctor. Knows A LOT! If you ever need to see a rheumatologist, I highly recommend seeing him. He said, I DO NOT have fibromayalgia. I have a drop foot and I need to wear an orthotic brace on my foot so I don't trip and fall. He said that it definitely seems neurological in nature and said that he could not rule out MS. Lupus and Vasculitis were two other options. He took tons of blood and a urine sample and will look over all of my previous tests to see if he can catch something the others missed, or order a more specific test. He was curious why I haven't had a lumbar puncture, but with my syrinx in my spine, he said they might not be able to do it. He would look into it. He's funny and smart and a terrific listener. I am glad I went.

Then yesterday I saw my ENT, Dr. Guttenplan. He said that my lymph nodes are bigger than they should be. He said he palpitated and couldn't feel any nodules, but we agreed that we didn't want to take the wait and see route. I'm having a fine needle biopsy on Tuesday morning. A bit freaked out, but I'm getting pretty good at the whole needle thing. My son got his ears cleaned (a little after my appointment), so the kids were pretty thrilled to see me. It's a good feeling to see that my kids are liked. The whole office told me how much they like my kids, even Dr. G! We got caught in that terrible storm and the kids were soaking wet. I cuddled with Tzipi while Zee got his ears cleaned. It took us an hour to get home with all the flooding. The kids were pretty freaked out, and I kept praying that our Escort would make it. (I was in the Taurus with the kids, but Avi was behind us in the little faithful wagon.) We made it fine, but man were we glad to be in the warm house!

Oh and a miracle happened yesterday. Proof that G-d takes care of the little things too! I was at my Toastmasters' club and the actual fun stuff was over and we were having a small business meeting. I'm standing listening to our Treasurer speak. And before I realize what is happening, I have tears streaming down my face, as the entire club voted to pay my way to the district conference in October in Lubbock. I've been planning to go, but was trusting G-d for the 75 dollars. I haven't said a thing to my club about struggling to pay. I wasn't able to go to the Amarillo conference last fall as it was 100.00.  I'm so excited. G-d is so wonderful. Toastmasters is one of my favorite things, and it's not a big thing in the grand scheme of things, but He knows.

Stress and other things...

 

It's been a stressful week. Trying to juggle everything is rough. I work hard at stopping and doing something fun, even if it's only 15 minutes. But the issues that cause the stress are still there. I typed in "stress" in the Google Images (where I get my pictures) and they all pretty much looked like this woman. Hand on their head, eyes closed and look of anguish on their faces. Humans are funny that way. I catch myself doing the same thing. 

I go to the rheumatologist today and see my ENT tomorrow. My neurosurgeon was the one that told me I needed to see the ENT. If I need surgery, Dr Guttenplan will be the one to do it. I've trusted him with my son, so it's only natural I would go see him for my thyroid. I'm really nervous about that appointment. (But Zee has an appointment at almost the same time, so we may see each other there, which will make it a little better.) I go to Physical Therapy on Friday morning. I'm hoping we are able to do a bit more. My PT found that my sacroiliac ligament was messed up, so we worked on that. Then he worked on my neck a bit. I'm really sore, but I'm used to pain. 

I do get to go to a fun class on Thursday night. I signed up for a free class at the library to make a cute doll for Tzipi. Free and close are good things.

Work, money, kids, homework, doctors, bills, family, friends, pain, will be there and there isn't anything I can do about it anyway. G-d will make it work out. He always does.

Daydreaming in bed...

 

I'm not sure what I'm dealing with. It started out feeling like allergies, and now my lungs hurt and my whole body hurts if I sneeze or cough. So... I've been in bed reading. I checked out this awesome book! Looks kind of crazy, but it's inspiring. 

 

One of my favorite things about Indiana Jones, was his father's journal. Leather bound and full of adventure. Well this book teaches you how to make your own.

Of course you'll need a journal. I have a journal (with handmade paper) I got when I went to the movies with Leelee and Kevin and then we went to Barnes and Nobles afterward. I've been saving this particular journal because it's so precious, I don't want to start it and give up. I have so many diaries and journals that are half full. Why do I do that? Anyway... I digress. You need to have a journaling kit with a few necessities and you need to carry your journal with you at all times. If you do those two things, you'll be right on your way to filling up your journal. The book also suggested keeping a baggy in with your kit so you can pick up "fodder" along the way. You know... ticket stubs, receipts, articles out of magazines, photo copies, photos, feathers, flowers, you name it! If it goes with your day, stick it in your journal. This book teaches techniques and gives great brainstorming ideas. I'm totally excited about doing this. My main thing is I hate my drawing. Zee can see anything and draw it. But I want my journal to have art in it. So I'm going to get passed my personal hatred and have something my kids might be interested in when they are older.

Happy New Year 5771!

Yay!

Last year I almost got hit by a car on my birthday. This year I need to go to work early, so I know the traffic will be light. Phew!
I get to be a judge at a Toastmaster's contest for Tall Tales speeches. I know my cubicle is all decorated and I have a yummy treat with my name on it. I'm glad that I have the next 5 days off. It will be nice to be away from work for a little while. Especially since we get to go to Three Falls Cove! Yay! Today is going to be a great day.

Pat on the back

Work had an interesting feel to it today. We were told to make containers of some sort at the beginning of August. We had small squares of paper where we would write something nice about a co-worker and place it in their respective box. I made my box out of a tissue box and played with decoupage.

Well then today, we got an email telling us that we had until 5:00 today to finish with our "pats-on-the-back". People all over the floor were stuffing papers into everyone's boxes all day long. Then there's the feeling that someone put a note in your box and you feel obligated to return the favor. Thankfully, everyone that put a note in my box (that I saw) had one from me already in theirs. I got the feeling right away that it was about how many you gave, as opposed to how many got the most. I'll hopefully know for sure tomorrow (as we were not allowed to look at the notes all month long.)

It was a fun feeling, kind of like a holiday... even though it's just bits of paper and ink. I look forward to seeing the notes finally.

I remembered we did something similar to this a couple years ago, but it kind of backfired. Back then they said that it had to be work only related and job specific. Well only a few team leads got the bulk of the praise. Us newbies rarely helped anyone, but needed all the help. They didn't keep it so strict this time and it worked out much better. I think everyone got SOMETHING in their boxes this time.

Stay tuned for more...

HOT AND COLD

Wow. What an experience. Leelee took me to the hospital this morning for two tests.

The CT Angiogram was a "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" experience. They gave me an IV and then I laid down. The donut that goes around you rotates really really fast. It was a strange feeling. Then they quickly (and I mean quickly) inject this dye that makes you feel like you have an instant fever. That made me feel really yucky. Then I got the chills. Talk about roller coaster. Then I just stayed prone for about 5 minutes until the feeling wore off. The whole shabang took about 10 minutes from start to finish. I hurt and had pins and needles all over. Thankfully they had a wheelchair, so I wheeled to the waiting room for the second test. (At the very end my brain felt really really cold. Weird huh?)

The MRI was uneventful, but long. 45 minutes for one test. It was the lumbar region of my spine. The tech lady gave me a nice warm blanket and I got all cozy in the 7 foot long MRI machine. For those of us that hate confined spaces, I just recommend closing your eyes. If you can't see how tight the space is, it's better. I day dreamed about Tzipi's Barbie Birthday party, Pancakes with lots of butter and syrup, a shopping spree with actual money, and Three Falls Cove (not necessarily in that order). I had to fight panic once maybe twice. The muscle spasms forced me to stay a bit longer because I twitched during one of the pictures. So the tech had to redo the last picture which added 4 minutes to the thing.

I see an Ophthalmologist on the 1st of September. Hopefully I'll be able to get my eye allergy medicine prescription while I'm there because my eyes are so itchy. I'm going to check on my right eye which has possible retinal tearing.

There are times (like on the CAT SCAN bed) when I just want to run away from all of this and quit trying to solve this dang mystery, but I can't. I have to have my thyroid cared for, I need to have my back cared for, and I can't afford to lose the ability to walk. The pain I can handle. But I have to take care of my family.

At least I have my birthday to look forward to, Three Falls cove, my 10th anniversary, and Sukkot! This lady was 32 at the time of this picture.  I don't know her name. She had a whole litter of kids, but lived during the "dust bowl days". She was blessed with many children, but she had a hard life. I have it easy. I had a vacation day that I could take, so I could mentally recuperate from this medical stuff. She never had that. She never had a tech help her walk or lay a warm, clean blanket on her. I must keep my mind on the things that really matter. I wish I could go back in time and help her take care of that little one so she could take a nap.

I love my family so very much. Without you I have no idea where I would be. Thank you!

Something fun!

I so rarely get to shop at Target that it's quite a treat. I got to go run an errand and it was so much fun. Take joy in the little things!

Update on stuff

 

I went to the neurologist yesterday. Not fun. She did tell me that they found two growths on my thyroid during the ultrasound. I have an appointment with Dr. Usala on September 22nd. 

Then she went on to say that she doesn't know what is causing my problems. She wants to increase my anxiety medicine and give me a sleeping pill. After trying that for a month, she'll send me to Dallas. 

I was not happy. I feel like she's prolonging the pain and passing the buck. But I called my general practitioner and I'm going to see him today at 2:00. I just need someone to talk to about all of this and I need him to fill out my intermittent leave paperwork so I can keep my job. I'm 1 sick day away from getting fired. Plus I'm going to ask him for some pain help. I asked the neurologist for a TENS unit and she said she didn't see why I would need it. How is losing the ability to walk and not being able to feel my spine, stress related? Sure I'll say that the headaches could be stress related, but they aren't normal headaches. They are at the base of my skull and go down my neck and my eyeballs hurt and blinking hurts. I cried a lot yesterday. It's all quite a bit to take in.

Then my neurosurgeon called. I have a CT Angiogram on my neck and brain as well as another spinal MRI on Monday August 30th. He seems to think this is vascular. So I took a vacation day since I have no idea how I'll feel after the angio. 

I see a rheumatologist on the 15th of September.

I spoke with my very good friend at work. She survived the worst type of Thyroid cancer and she lives daily with RA. She explained that I need to find a new normal. I can't keep wishing for a pill to make everything better. I need to ask for help. I need to be my own advocate. I need to stand up for myself. She had numerous doctors tell her that it was all in her head, before finding an ENT that believed it was more than stress and found the cancer.

They have found things. The spinal disorder and the growths on my thyroid. I was perfectly healthy until I had shingles. So I'm not crazy. Yes, my life is stressful even without the health issues, but walking with a cane at 31 just doesn't make sense.

So this is the news. I feel like I'm playing musical specialists. 

SIDE NOTE: The Barbie picture just makes me happy.

We love you!

 

We love these two boys. They mean the world to us. I'm trusting that I will get to see them today and this horrible nightmare will be over.

First Day of School 2010 Wolflin Elementary

Mrs. Camp Third Grade

Mrs. Houston Pre-K

Tzipi goes to afternoon class. From 12 to 3. She drove her father crazy all morning. Is it time yet, now? How about now? Can we go now? I'm glad I was at work and missed it.

They both really like their teachers. Zee said that they don't have enough breaks and the students have to be quiet all the time (oh the horror!)

They were both ready for school. I pray that they learn good lessons and show a good example of Torah.

I am very proud of both of my smiley beautiful children!