Friday, July 30, 2010

A good friend...

 My friend Corina came up to me and said she needed to ask me something, so could I walk with her to the break room. I did. She was all serious and stuff. She said," I was debating whether I should ask you or if I should ask Avi". She knows how difficult it is to get housework done (especially the deep cleaning I've needed to do for a while) when you feel so yucky. She offered to clean my house. But she wanted to make sure Avi would be OK with her being there. I figured he could take the kids somewhere and we could work on the house. I haven't heard from Avi about what his plans are, but I am just so grateful to have such an awesome friend. She is an awesome person and people don't often give her a chance. She is so special and has such a big heart. I love her so much. Thank you Corina!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Tazer anyone?

I'm sure that people who have actually been tazered, would disagree, but that is the closest way I can explain the yuckiest part of today's round of tests. The visual test was boring. I got goop in my hair, connected to a computer with wires and stared at a black and white pattern for a long time. One eye at a time.

Then the nerve test on hands and feet were like mini tazers being attached and held on for like 5 minutes. The left side wasn't too bad because that is the side I have the most difficulty with. My right side though felt every ounce of pain. I almost passed out with the right hand. They had to do each one individually. Yuck. Since the neurologist already knew about the nerve damage to my ears, I was saved the third round of the EMG. No sense in taking a test I know I'm going to fail.

The doctor called while I was napping and said that I need multiple shots of B-12 after looking at last night's blood work. I'm going to have to learn how to do this so I don't have to go to the doctor every time I need it. More than one way to get over being freaked out with needles. Take control of the needle! Avi offered to help if I can't get the hang of it. So I'll get that started on Monday when I see the neurologist.

I just found out that my Uncle in Wyoming is being tested for MS too.

The mountain is bumpy and steep, but I'm still climbing.

Why am I awake at 3am?

I really didn't want to wake up this early. Maybe after I blog and drink some milk, I can sneak a few more Zzzzzs. 
Well, Leelee picked me up at 7:15 on the dot and took me to the hospital. Got registered and instead of doing the labwork first, the MRIs went first. If you have never had one, practice meditation NOW. I don't like tight enclosed spaces, but I'm proud to say I didn't panic. First we did the neck and upper spine the normal way. Then we did my right eye. Then the MRI tech gave me a shot of dye and we did the eye again, the neck and then the thoracic spine with contrast. There were two times that I had to focus really hard because I wanted out. Then I started singing my favorite Hebrew songs (complete with lisp since I didn't have my teeth). I'm not sure if the tech could hear me, but at that point I didn't care, I was just trying to stay calm. My left leg started to spasm while I was trying to lie very still. Not fun at all. Deep Breathing, Singing, Keeping my eyes closed, and going to a happy memory in the past; helped me get through the tight white tube of screaminess. The noise is really really loud. I liked it when it had a rhythm. I could count it and make myself happy. But when it was just loud tones, not fun.
So this morning I plan on curling my hair before I put on my hat, because they will be sticking diodes on my head and I'd rather have curls than chaos. Vain, yes... but I need a little pleasure in the middle of this situation. 
I'd be lying if I said that this isn't bothering me or affecting me. I cried for the latter part of my day at work. I've been strong up to now. Dealing with the stares and questions at work as to why I walk with a cane now, but have to park way out in Egypt. I'm just an eyesore, I guess. Or a circus act. Meet the weird girl who doesn't fit in. What's new? I can't quit living. I have to walk and I don't want to fall on my face. I have good days and bad days. Life is but a blink of an eye. Even though the days seem long, I've been through 8 surgeries of my own and waited during 14 surgeries for my son. I've lived in Wyoming, Virginia, Texas and New Mexico. I've stayed at home and made bread every Friday and worked 7 days a week when AIG went crazy. I've cried for days from loneliness at the age of 17 and I've cried without tears wanting just 1 hour alone. I've walked the Oregon trail and been to Times Square at midnight. And I'm only 31. This is just a blip. I can do this.

Monday, July 26, 2010

UPdate: Bear With Me...

Hi. I went to the Neurologist today. It pays to be a squeaky wheel. If you ask to be bumped up for any cancellations, it really does work! Rather than waiting until August 23rd, I got in today!

OK. So after being asked a million questions and answering them all, I have lab work, 3 MRIs (totaling 3 hours) on Tuesday night and a nerve test for 4 hours on Wednesday.

She poked me with a needle all over the place. I didn't feel most of it on my back or my left side. So she thinks I have a lesion on my spinal cord. I've lost some vision in my right eye. She thinks it could be MS. But we'll have some real answers after all the testing. I have a follow up with the Dr. on Monday August 2nd.

My favorite part was the salt water tank in the waiting room. The fish were playing in the sand. It was so much fun to watch. There was a white fish that hiding behind the filter. The clown fish seemed really aggressive and ornery. I've never seen tank fish play in the sand. I could watch them for hours.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

He's Touching Me...

We got home from Lubbock a little while ago. The kids are wild. I don't understand the glee they get from fighting. Kittens are cute when they do it. My kids, not so much. 
I have a busy day tomorrow. I'm so sleepy. I hope to go to bed early tonight and sleep really well. Hopefully my day will go by quickly. I see Dr. Soulag at 2:00. I'm so glad that I don't have to wait until August 23rd. I know I probably won't know a lot more after tomorrow, but at least I'll be that much closer to an answer.
Just thought I'd post. Gotta get my stuff ready for tomorrow.

Saturday, July 24, 2010

A Great Poem For Today...

I asked for strength and
God gave me difficulties to make me strong.

I asked for wisdom and
God gave me problems to solve.

I asked for prosperity and
God gave me brawn and brain to work.

I asked for courage and
God gave me dangers to overcome.

I asked for love and
God gave me troubled people to help...

My prayers were answered.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Fresh is good!

... So I come on my blog to see that my favorite place for free backgrounds is going through some changes. I tried to change my background, not so easy. I think the "cutest blog on the block" site might be under construction or something. Well, I decided to try the Blogger Designer. Let me say, I LOVE IT! So much fun! Blogger has come a long way baby! What do you think? I feel like going to an open air market today. That is why I chose this background. Get ready for some fun! Gonna change it often!
Being President is fun! Try it some time. Not the whole white house thing. YUCK! No, being a club president is a blast. I remember having a club when I was 9 and I was the president. It was fun way back then. Back when I was 9, it was about bossing the neighborhood kids around. Today it's about organizing and making sure that my club has everything it needs. I don't really have to DO anything. I just make sure other people are doing their job and have what they need to do their jobs. I felt all grown up today at our first Officer's Meeting during my term as president.
I do have to say that now that I reminisce about my time as club president when I was 9, that we did do some awesome things. We were the "Clean Up Crew" and we organized ourselves to ride around the neighborhood and clean things up. We had a treasurer and we would ask our Dad's for change, pool our resources and after a hard day at the park, picking up litter, we'd take our bikes to the 7-11 and buy candy and drinks for a reward! Not too bad, now that I think about it.
If I could get paid to be a Toastmaster, I'd quit my job today and do Toastmastery things all day. Give public speeches, attend meetings, write books, newsletter articles, and have a blast doing it all! There was a couple in Lubbock who were the International Presidents of Toastmasters. I wonder how they got to do it. It's only a year though. I need a gig that will last longer than a year.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Thank you!

Thank you Leelee and Kevin for the cane upgrade. It doesn't hurt at all and isn't the least bit stinky. 
As most of my Facebook friends know, I got my appointment for the neurologist on August the 23rd. Just a bit more waiting. 

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Stinky cane

Thankfully our next door neighbor had a cane I could borrow. It's stinky. I'm hoping to make a cover for the handle so my hand doesn't smell like cigarettes. I used it yesterday, but it hurt to use it. I don't want to fall on my face, so I'm going to use it. 

The kids had a blast this weekend. Linda took Tzipi to Wonderland with Kamille, Mallory and Samantha. She had a blast. When I asked her what she did, she said she rode on chocolate rides and it rained on her. With further prodding she said that the log ride made water fall down and got her wet. She knows how much I love chocolate, so she always embellishes her stories with chocolate to make them more interesting. 
Then their babysitter, Christine, took them to Despicable Me and Toys R Us. They had so much fun and were so excited when they came home. Tzipi ran straight for my bed and told me all about her fun. Zee was talking a mile a minute and had to tell me about his favorite parts of the movie. 

Thank you so much for taking them to have fun. I really appreciate our family so much. 
I love you all. Nee

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Whoever said that waiting was a game, never actually waited...

Not knowing sucks. It took every ounce of strength for me to stay at work yesterday. I wanted to keep my overtime. I was hurting and not really able to walk very well. I kept messing up each account I worked. I feel stupid. I had to nap at my desk during my afternoon break. 
I need to carry a lighter purse. Heck maybe I have to go back to my backpack. I "heart" my Butler purse though. I need to stop carrying so much stuff. But, I have to have my lunch box. I enjoy reading or playing my DS at break, but even that hurts now. Oh, and my Toastmaster briefcase. I made it lighter, but it's still awkward to carry. I may just have to get a larger backpack that will hold a book or two and then cram my lunch in it as well. I'll look like a dweeb, but I already stand out like a sore thumb. Hee hee hee. 
I am looking forward to a cold shower, getting dressed (not really, that's a pain too) and seeing my Toastmaster friends. I just didn't want to say, I'm looking forward to a cold shower and seeing my TM friends giving the impression that my friends will be involved in the shower somehow. LOL.
Then I'll come home and nap. Then I have no plans at all. YAY!

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Where am I?


There was a time of reflection when I began following modesty again. I went through a time of insecurity. I feel a bit more secure in my modesty now. It's not a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but I do think that people who worship the One Creator should be different. We shouldn't blend in. We shouldn't laugh at crude jokes. We shouldn't find the worldly things interesting. We shouldn't spend our time in vain pursuits. It is not easy to stand out. It's not comfortable. But it's right. 
I don't follow popular beliefs, but I follow the One True God. The only. There is no on but Him. What He tells us to do as a loving Father is not hard nor is it far away.

Deuteronomy 30
10. when you obey the Lord, your God, to observe His commandments and His statutes written in this Torah scroll, [and] when you return to the Lord, your God, with all your heart and with all your soul.   י. כִּי תִשְׁמַע בְּקוֹל יְ־הֹוָ־ה אֱלֹהֶיךָ לִשְׁמֹר מִצְוֹתָיו וְחֻקֹּתָיו הַכְּתוּבָה בְּסֵפֶר הַתּוֹרָה הַזֶּה כִּי תָשׁוּב אֶל יְ־הֹוָ־ה אֱלֹהֶיךָ בְּכָל לְבָבְךָ וּבְכָל נַפְשֶׁךָ:
11. For this commandment which I command you this day, is not concealed from you, nor is it far away.   יא. כִּי הַמִּצְוָה הַזֹּאת אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ הַיּוֹם לֹא נִפְלֵאת הִוא מִמְּךָ וְלֹא רְחֹקָה הִוא:
12. It is not in heaven, that you should say, "Who will go up to heaven for us and fetch it for us, to tell [it] to us, so that we can fulfill it?"   יב. לֹא בַשָּׁמַיִם הִוא לֵאמֹר מִי יַעֲלֶה לָּנוּ הַשָּׁמַיְמָה וְיִקָּחֶהָ לָּנוּ וְיַשְׁמִעֵנוּ אֹתָהּ וְנַעֲשֶׂנָּה:
13. Nor is it beyond the sea, that you should say, "Who will cross to the other side of the sea for us and fetch it for us, to tell [it] to us, so that we can fulfill it?"   יג. וְלֹא מֵעֵבֶר לַיָּם הִוא לֵאמֹר מִי יַעֲבָר לָנוּ אֶל עֵבֶר הַיָּם וְיִקָּחֶהָ לָּנוּ וְיַשְׁמִעֵנוּ אֹתָהּ וְנַעֲשֶׂנָּה:
14. Rather,[this] thing is very close to you; it is in your mouth and in your heart, so that you can fulfill it.   יד. כִּי קָרוֹב אֵלֶיךָ הַדָּבָר מְאֹד בְּפִיךָ וּבִלְבָבְךָ לַעֲשֹׂתוֹ:
15. Behold, I have set before you today life and good, and death and evil,   טו. רְאֵה נָתַתִּי לְפָנֶיךָ הַיּוֹם אֶת הַחַיִּים וְאֶת הַטּוֹב וְאֶת הַמָּוֶת וְאֶת הָרָע:
16. inasmuch as I command you this day to love the Lord, your God, to walk in His ways, and to observe His commandments, His statutes, and His ordinances, so that you will live and increase, and the Lord, your God, will bless you in the land to which you are coming to take possession of it.   טז. אֲשֶׁר אָנֹכִי מְצַוְּךָ הַיּוֹם לְאַהֲבָה אֶת יְ־הֹוָ־ה אֱלֹהֶיךָ לָלֶכֶת בִּדְרָכָיו וְלִשְׁמֹר מִצְוֹתָיו וְחֻקֹּתָיו וּמִשְׁפָּטָיו וְחָיִיתָ וְרָבִיתָ וּבֵרַכְךָ יְ־הֹוָ־ה אֱלֹהֶיךָ בָּאָרֶץ אֲשֶׁר אַתָּה בָא שָׁמָּה לְרִשְׁתָּהּ:
17. But if your heart deviates and you do not listen, and you will be drawn astray, and you will prostrate yourself to other deities and serve them,   יז. וְאִם יִפְנֶה לְבָבְךָ וְלֹא תִשְׁמָע וְנִדַּחְתָּ וְהִשְׁתַּחֲוִיתָ לֵאלֹהִים אֲחֵרִים וַעֲבַדְתָּם:
18. I declare to you this day, that you will surely perish, and that you will not live long days on the land, to which you are crossing the Jordan, to come and take possession thereof.   יח. הִגַּדְתִּי לָכֶם הַיּוֹם כִּי אָבֹד תֹּאבֵדוּן לֹא תַאֲרִיכֻן יָמִים עַל הָאֲדָמָה אֲשֶׁר אַתָּה עֹבֵר אֶת הַיַּרְדֵּן לָבֹא שָׁמָּה לְרִשְׁתָּהּ:
19. This day, I call upon the heaven and the earth as witnesses [that I have warned] you: I have set before you life and death, the blessing and the curse. You shall choose life, so that you and your offspring will live;   יט. הַעִידֹתִי בָכֶם הַיּוֹם אֶת הַשָּׁמַיִם וְאֶת הָאָרֶץ הַחַיִּים וְהַמָּוֶת נָתַתִּי לְפָנֶיךָ הַבְּרָכָה וְהַקְּלָלָה וּבָחַרְתָּ בַּחַיִּים לְמַעַן תִּחְיֶה אַתָּה וְזַרְעֶךָ:
20. To love the Lord your God, to listen to His voice, and to cleave to Him. For that is your life and the length of your days, to dwell on the land which the Lord swore to your forefathers to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob to give to them.   כ. לְאַהֲבָה אֶת יְ־הֹוָ־ה אֱלֹהֶיךָ לִשְׁמֹעַ בְּקֹלוֹ וּלְדָבְקָה בוֹ כִּי הוּא חַיֶּיךָ וְאֹרֶךְ יָמֶיךָ לָשֶׁבֶת עַל הָאֲדָמָה אֲשֶׁר נִשְׁבַּע יְ־הֹוָ־ה לַאֲבֹתֶיךָ לְאַבְרָהָם לְיִצְחָק וּלְיַעֲקֹב לָתֵת לָהֶם:

Monday, July 12, 2010


Well, I called my doctor again. I found out that the neurologist has been out of the country (her last name is french, so I'm imagining that she went to France and was at a bistro all month) until today and that once she gets caught up on all her work and she reads my transcript and decides whether to take me on as a patient, I'll get a call. Just thought I'd post.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


Tzipi and I did some card making last night. It was fun. I want to do some more today, but I'm not feeling 100%. I actually got to go shopping yesterday with the kids. It was loads of fun, but maybe I overdid it. We were only gone for an hour. Then we came home and had some fun. 
Avi and I stayed up watching a really lame movie. Two lame movies in a row (one on Friday night and one on Saturday night). It was fun making fun of them, but staying up so late was probably not the best idea. At least I get the day off today.
I'm going to take it easy today and try to get my clothes ready for the coming week.

Friday, July 9, 2010


I wanted to post an update really quickly before I get ready for work.

Avi took the kids to the doctor for their annual checkups and while he was there I asked him to ask Dr. M about my MRI results. So while I was at work, the nurse called me and said, Your Brain Scan MRI came back clean. I said, That's great, except I couldn't walk on Sunday, so there is still something wrong. She said, OK let me ask Dr. M. So Dr. M gets on the phone and I explain what happened on Sunday. So then he said that I should just keep my appointment with the Neurologist. I said, I don't have an appointment with a Neurologist. They never made one because you wanted me to try Physical Therapy. He said, Oh... OK well, I'll get one for you. So that's where I am. (I still don't have an appointment.)

It was just a brain MRI. So if there's something wrong with my neck or back, we are as clueless as we were. Why they didn't just cover all the bases, I don't know. I'm just patiently waiting. If the excuse is expense, wouldn't it save my insurance more money to do one complete scan as opposed to multiple ones? Just sayin'.

I was inducted as President for Toastmasters last night. We had a good time at Pacific Rim. Golly was I tired when I got home. I had a blast at Toastmasters at lunch too. Work? Lame. Toastmasters (the real reason I can stand work.)

We babysat a friend's dog this past weekend and she brought me the most beautiful handmade scarf and brought Avi a Colorado baseball cap. How sweet was that!?

Zee and Tzip had shots yesterday. Zee has scoliosis. I'm not too freaked out, cuz my chiropractor said I have it too. I'm going to see if I can find a chiropractor that takes medicaid and maybe help him with his headaches and at the same time, encourage less back pain. Tzip is perfectly healthy and so is Zee. Nothing to worry about. Baruch Hashem!

Well, my laptop's battery is getting dangerously low, so I need to go plug her back in. Hope you all have a splendid Friday!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Clean=Stress Free

I know you all understand that when the house is a mess it's really hard to relax. I'm the same way.

I thought I'd think of something fun...
1. To go to Palo Duro Canyon and enjoy nature (on a cool day).
2. To have a kid-free time when I feel good to make cards and scrapbook.
3. To have individual time with each kid, where the other kid is doing something they enjoy as well.
4. To eat my mom's meatloaf, peas and mashed potatoes.
5. To get to go to the shooting range with my Hubby.
6. To hug Hans again. (and get puppy kisses all over my face).
7. To spend special time with my Mom (sans kids), Tina (with my kids, John and Baby2) and Linda (sans Kids).
8. To go to the movies with my Hubby.
9. To get the entire collection of Laurie Kings' Sherlock Holmes series in paperback.
10. A real massage. (maybe it would hurt too much, but these are wishes... we're gonna pretend it feels great!)

Everything I need, I have. But it's fun to dream about free time and extra fun.

Oh look at that! It's raining! I love rain!

Monday, July 5, 2010

YAY! I did it!

I'm stuck sitting now cuz I'm hurting pretty bad, but I did it!

I cleaned out the hall way. I almost have all of the clothes folded and put away too, but I am not in a big hurry since I don't feel good.

Here are the pictures to prove it! They aren't the best since I had to take two to show the whole hall way, but I'm pretty happy. I've wanted the hallway clean for months. Little bit at a time! Just had to post!

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Teshuvah means to repent

God's greatness is unfathomable: that is why Teshuvah has such power. No matter how far you may have fallen – be it to the lowest depths – never despair, because you can always return to God. With just a little effort you can turn even your worst sins into merits. No matter where in the world you fall, you can easily come back to God. This is because of His unfathomable greatness. Nothing is beyond His power. Just never give up! Keep crying out, praying and pleading to God at all times. RN

Oh well...

My goal is to get the clothes folded and put away and get the hall way empty of detritus. Let's see what happens..

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Taylor Swift - Love Story

Last Night


The early bird gets the MRI worm. I got to BSA about 7:15. I figured it would take me longer to find where I was supposed to be. Not so. I filled out two forms with my weird symptoms and they gave me a paper bracelet. Once I took my teeth, earrings, wrist brace, and glasses off, the technician laid me down on this tiny "bed". I asked her if it was OK if I fell asleep. She said that would be fine. The MRI I had on my wrist in 2008 was very different than this one. It made a ticking noise that was very hypnotic. This one was not like that at all. I didn't wear ear protection in my first one. This one you HAD to wear hearing protection. It was so freakin' loud. NO WAY a person could fall asleep. I kept my eyes closed from the minute she put my head in this helmet thing till she pulled me out. I could tell I would start freaking out if I kept my eyes open and realized how confined I was. I was exhausted because I'd been up since 5 am, showering, cooking, going to Wal-mart and then working. I tried to nap in the car at lunch, but I think that may have made me sleepier.
Anyway... back to where I was... I had to work very hard at breathing normally and not moving. I used my rad Yoga moves to stay perfectly still. I started panicking toward the end. But she pulled me out and told me that we got good pictures. The radiologist would read the films and call my doctor. I would probably hear something on Tuesday. So I'll post when I hear something.

Thursday, July 1, 2010


Thankfully, I called the registration desk at the hospital and they said that the MRI will be covered 100% by my insurance. Praise God!

I am not too scared about the actual MRI. I am not looking forward to laying on my back for a long time. I am not looking forward to going through this alone, but everyone is busy this weekend and it's late at night so Avi needs to be with the kids. I know that there will be a lot of waiting. I'm used to waiting. And I know I won't actually be alone.
Thankfully work is supposed to be insanely crazy with parades and last minute food days, so I'll have things to think of.

If you look at the clock and its 7:30, say a prayer for me.