Friday, October 29, 2010

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

6 days...

Until I go to Austin. 
Please Creator, guide the doctors to the answers that we need to find the way to treatment and recovery. Thank you for Your blessings and for opening this door in a miraculous way! 

Psalms 32:14. When I am healed I will praise You : Blessed be the Lord, God of Israel, from eternity to eternity. Amen. Amen 

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Toastmasters Conference 2010

Wow! I have had so much fun crammed into just a few hours. I posted hourly pictures on Facebook. I've learned so much that I can't wait until I get to share all my fun with my fellow Toastmasters back at work. I am so glad I was blessed with this opportunity. My body is wiped out, but this was such a time of personal growth.
I was nervous that my recent challenges would keep me from being comfortable and free to speak to strangers. However, as a first timer, they can't if you wanted to. There's this game where you have to get signatures from different people who hold offices and are from other towns. The more signatures, the more chances of winning. Right off the bat, I had people asking for my signature. It's a great idea!

Well, I took a pain pill, so it's starting to kick in. I have lots to talk about! I'll have to save it for later.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Twenty Wishes

I really like this whole series from Debbie Macomber. This particular book is second to last in the Blossom Street Book series. I can't ever put them down. I thought I'd post this because it encourages the reader to write down 20 wishes. They can be far fetched or near impossible or they can be simple and already planned. I've been working on my list for a while. I still have a few blank spaces, but I think it's a good thing to do. I wrote my list down in my special journal that I carry with me everywhere. It keeps me thinking of something different besides the things I can't change. I may not ever be able to meet all 20 wishes, but it is something to work for. Instead of just getting from this day to the next (which in itself is an accomplishment) you can feel a sense of fulfillment. Just a thought.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Dealing with Regret

When dealing with illness, it is often natural to look at the past. I'm not sure if everyone is so easily pained by regret, but the regrets in my life have often been crippling to me. I have finally found the strength to deal with these dark and heavy clouds. Time does heal all wounds, but they have to be properly cared for in the mean time or they will fester. My wounds were deep and full of bitterness. During my quiet time I have taken the time to face these ugly things that I can do nothing about and realize God's hand in the midst. I just simply wrote them down. But I only allowed the good to show through. If a thought came up that would breed anger, (which was quite frequent during the process) I wouldn't allow it. After I finished, I read it again and there was such a sense of peace. I can't change the things that happened in the past, but taking a new perspective on it all has helped so much. I am working to keep a positive outlook when going through even the most painful situations, and this allows me to keep from being hurt by things outside of my control. It truly is in how you decide to look at it. I'm looking forward to a future free of regret!

Thursday, October 14, 2010

A break

I am so ready for a break this weekend. I am going to enjoy getting away.
I'm looking forward to seeing so many beautiful handmade things that I get dizzy.
I'm looking forward to eating so much food that I forget about being hungry. 
I'm looking forward to the kids having so much fun that they forget to fight.
I'm looking forward to using my cell phone for taking pictures and not for fighting boredom.
I can't wait to spend time with family and having work be only a memory.
It's only one day, but I promise it's the best fun I have all year!

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Nee's Knee

At physical therapy on Friday, my PT and I agreed that it was time for a knee brace. My patella has shifted to the left causing me a great deal of pain. The muscles in my leg, involved with walking are weakened and my knee is taking the brunt of the strain. Avi and I got one last night with a refund we got from switching to All State Insurance. (Yay, Bill McDonald!). Anyway... I have to learn how to walk with this thing. It feels big and cumbersome.
I really want to get the house clean today. I got some work done last night in preparation for the Sabbath meal. But four people make a lot of mess. We will see how much I can get done.
Just wanted to post something.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Zee's special Night

Well, Zee had a special night on Friday. He received his own Torah and he had so much fun dancing and singing with the men carrying Torah scrolls. This picture is a little fuzzy, but my hands kept shaking too much. I know this is confusing to much of my family, but I identify with the Torah and following Hashem. I try not to talk about it or make it seem that I think differently since it is an uncomfortable subject for some. But I am not ashamed. I just don't want to pressure anyone to think that I think everyone should do what I do. This is a personal decision for me and my house. I love Hashem with all my heart, soul and mind. I simply don't want Tzipi and Zee to be confused about our faith. Being so isolated in what we believe can be difficult if I don't work very hard to set clear boundaries. Even though I may not agree with everything the local Temple does, they are a wonderful set of human beings that want to obey the Torah and build a community in Amarillo Texas. This is where I am for now and as much as I long to  be in the Holy Land, I must be content with where I am.
Please understand that I am totally happy to live in a Christian country and for the most part the Judeo-Christian relationship is one of peace and unity. We worship the same Creator, just in different ways. Different doesn't mean bad. Different is different.
If you have questions, please feel free to ask. I'd rather you know the truth than guess.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Holly Hobbled

Don't take your good health or good days that you have; for granted. 
My left side has been giving me fits for three days now. My knee was so bad on Thursday I couldn't walk. We tried TENS and a cortisone patch, but my knee still feels like someone swapped a 90 year old knee for my 32 year old one. Using an assisting device like a walker or a cane are great in big open spaces, but tight cluttered ones are a nightmare. I need to just get rid of everything. I tripped over my cane this morning and stubbed my left foot. Frustration with a capital F. RRRrrrrr. 
Or, I'm supposed to wear shoes at work, but how do I keep my shoe on my left foot, when I can't stand to put pressure on it? I basically drag my darn foot around at work. I'm going to try wearing my ugly sneaker that have fallen apart. They'll stay on.
I'm so tired. I'm not fun to be around. I struggle with coming up with things to say. People are naturally curious and want to know why a 32 year old is using a walker. I don't want to talk about it with people I just meet, cuz I don't want people to think that is all I am. 
I love Public Speaking! 
I love crocheting (which I can't do cuz my arms hurt so badly)!
I love knitting (ditto)!
I love cooking (ditto)!
I love card making (ditto)
I love helping Zee with homework (this I can do, but I struggle with helping him because my brain and my mouth don't speak the same language anymore)!
I love cuddling with Tzipi (this takes no effort if she's in a good mood). 
I love sitting in bed talking with my soul mate. (I am really tired, but I do my best to be coherent).
I love shopping at thrift stores (when I don't have to pay medical bills).  
I love to play piano (ouch). 
I cry at stupid times. I don't cry when I should. Like on my Birthday. I really wanted to cry when Avi surprised me, but I couldn't. UNTIL an hour later next to the printer back at work. Or when I was in so much pain at the physical therapy appointment, and I cry in the room alone when the PT's getting the TENS unit. Why don't I cry when people are there to help me? 
I can't do the things I used to do, but I try not to think about it. I've canceled my latest scrapbook club meeting because of my health.
My work has been affected. I'm slower than I used to be. My daily average used to be 105. Now I'm blessed to get 50 done. My manager insists it won't affect my job, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.
Oh, and according to my neurologist, there's really nothing wrong. 
So that's why it is with great relief that I have an appointment with a specialist in Austin. A normal six month wait was for me a four week wait. God is good! I'm looking forward to hearing some solid answers and no more guessing. This is all the specialist deals with. Neurological problems. Rare disorders.
I'm going to keep up with Physical Therapy and hope this latest flare up passes soon. 
Again, remember, if you are feeling good right now, ENJOY IT!