Saturday, October 2, 2010

Holly Hobbled

Don't take your good health or good days that you have; for granted. 
My left side has been giving me fits for three days now. My knee was so bad on Thursday I couldn't walk. We tried TENS and a cortisone patch, but my knee still feels like someone swapped a 90 year old knee for my 32 year old one. Using an assisting device like a walker or a cane are great in big open spaces, but tight cluttered ones are a nightmare. I need to just get rid of everything. I tripped over my cane this morning and stubbed my left foot. Frustration with a capital F. RRRrrrrr. 
Or, I'm supposed to wear shoes at work, but how do I keep my shoe on my left foot, when I can't stand to put pressure on it? I basically drag my darn foot around at work. I'm going to try wearing my ugly sneaker that have fallen apart. They'll stay on.
I'm so tired. I'm not fun to be around. I struggle with coming up with things to say. People are naturally curious and want to know why a 32 year old is using a walker. I don't want to talk about it with people I just meet, cuz I don't want people to think that is all I am. 
I love Public Speaking! 
I love crocheting (which I can't do cuz my arms hurt so badly)!
I love knitting (ditto)!
I love cooking (ditto)!
I love card making (ditto)
I love helping Zee with homework (this I can do, but I struggle with helping him because my brain and my mouth don't speak the same language anymore)!
I love cuddling with Tzipi (this takes no effort if she's in a good mood). 
I love sitting in bed talking with my soul mate. (I am really tired, but I do my best to be coherent).
I love shopping at thrift stores (when I don't have to pay medical bills).  
I love to play piano (ouch). 
I cry at stupid times. I don't cry when I should. Like on my Birthday. I really wanted to cry when Avi surprised me, but I couldn't. UNTIL an hour later next to the printer back at work. Or when I was in so much pain at the physical therapy appointment, and I cry in the room alone when the PT's getting the TENS unit. Why don't I cry when people are there to help me? 
I can't do the things I used to do, but I try not to think about it. I've canceled my latest scrapbook club meeting because of my health.
My work has been affected. I'm slower than I used to be. My daily average used to be 105. Now I'm blessed to get 50 done. My manager insists it won't affect my job, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried.
Oh, and according to my neurologist, there's really nothing wrong. 
So that's why it is with great relief that I have an appointment with a specialist in Austin. A normal six month wait was for me a four week wait. God is good! I'm looking forward to hearing some solid answers and no more guessing. This is all the specialist deals with. Neurological problems. Rare disorders.
I'm going to keep up with Physical Therapy and hope this latest flare up passes soon. 
Again, remember, if you are feeling good right now, ENJOY IT!


  1. I wish I had something to say that would help it all be better. Just know that there are lots of people who are praying for you and wishing you would get some answers soon.

    I love you and hope you feel better quickly.

  2. I'm so sad to know that things are so bad for you. I continue to pray that Hashem will heal you quickly and that your life will move forward without any further health problems. I love you.

  3. Same goes for Kevin and I. We pray for you daily and wish there was more we could do. I am hopeful too about the Austin appointment, but I don't want to get my hopes up too high. I'm sure you are the same. I tried to order some of the B12 cream they recommended but it is out of stock until Oct. 15. I keep checking back. You need to start on the oral stuff they recommended. Who knows you might see marked improvement by Nov. 1. That would be a blessing. Just know we love you so much.