Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Personal Prayer

"It is very good to pour out your heart to God as you would your best friend." Rabbi Nachman
I struggle with personal prayer. I'm trying. God should be closer than a best friend. Plus making time to talk to Him. Not just to hear my own voice or vent and complain. But to truly talk to Him about my hopes and dreams. To tell Him how much I appreciate His endless generosity and faithfulness. He is awesome. He created us to communicate with Him. That's what He wants. Yet the 'powers that be' wish us to do ANYTHING but commune with our Creator. So I wake up in the morning. He's always there. Like my best friend would be. Eating lunch with me. Shopping for clothes. At work with me. Seeing me cry. But I ignore Him. I pretend He's not there. Or worse I just forget He's there.

Teach me to pray, Oh God! I know lashon hara (evil tongue/gossip). All too well. Right now I'm just practicing silence and listening. I might say one or two sentences and then I can't say anything else. So I listen.

The more I do this the easier it will get. I used to have nothing to do but talk to God. When everything went south I just couldn't do much but cry. When it was just the kids and me, I would talk and talk and talk and talk, but it freaked the kids out. I was dealing with things the best I could. Then I just stopped. I regret that I let it get this far. But I'm making teshuvah. I'm returning.