Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Today was a good day, but I was tired. That makes me a bit more sensitive. So honestly I felt pretty weird today. There was some doubt niggling at me. I didn't give in, but it was a challenge. Hopefully with more sleep and a shorter day, I'll be in a stronger frame of mind. It's easy to obey when things are going well, it's even easier to get lazy and blame it on the world around you.
I could post and say for HaShem's sake that today was a splendid adventure in obedience, which it was, however I want to be honest in the event that you are struggling with the same thing. My day went by smoothly, but it was a challenge to stay focused and excited about this today.
Tomorrow I face the second facet of the challenge of modesty. Being in a leadership role. I was elected as club president for this term for Toastmasters and I have my first executive meeting tomorrow at lunch. I won't be acting president until July 1st, but this will be the first time I will see my fellow Toastmasters and I will be learning my role as president in the coming weeks. They won't say anything hurtful, but I'm going to need strength to face my peers.
As an only child with a cleft palate, all I wanted to do was blend in. But it never worked that way. So then I tried being in the spotlight. That felt a lot more fun, but I would always be exhausted and then have to deal with the over analysis afterward. I don't worry so much anymore, but it does take extra effort that my flesh would rather avoid. It's easy to try and look like everyone else and to speak like everyone else and to do what others do. It's not easy to go against the flow.