OK. Today was even harder.
Someone who has even talked with me and who knows that we don't celebrate Christmas and that we celebrate Hanukkah, Passover and Sukkot asked me today if I had cancer. Her excuse was that she wanted to encourage me. I sat with her while training her and she KNOWS my situation.
That's fine and dandy. I just smiled and said, No I'm perfectly healthy, Thank you very much for asking.
The hardest part was finding out that the Physical Therapy that I've been looking forward to is $30.00 each and every time I go. Yeah, insurance will pay 100% of eligible expenses after specialty co-pay. So I may get to go to the evaluation, but I won't be able to go three times a week like my doctor wants me to go. It's frustrating. I'll go to the evaluation, look at the light at the end of the tunnel and continue eating pain pills and muscle relaxers. This November I'm tempted to turn off insurance altogether. I could sure use an extra 400 dollars a pay check. Then I'll just go to a pay as you go doctor. I know I'm just blowing steam. My husband and children need the medical insurance.
Oh, and I moved Family Night to Friday night so that we can celebrate Shabbat meal at home and I get an email saying, "get ready for a mandatory Saturday because the queues are so high". Our queues aren't high. Ours are empty. But I still have to work. And if I asked to be able to keep Saturdays for my God? Say goodbye to any kind of advancement. Goodbye to any kind of management position. That may be what is meant for me. Just work to pay the bills and forget fancy titles. Just humbly serve my God.
I think this has been the one thing about the headcovering that keeps me from throwing in the scarf. I keep reminding myself that covering my head is a battle of my pride. That serving God isn't about popularity or fitting in. I hope I learn these lessons. I hope I don't cave to pressure.
I think it's funny that no one posts comments on my blog anymore. I used to post things for fun. Now I post to get things off my chest. That's not very fun I guess. It is therapeutic.
PS Leelee, I love Hans. Could you email a picture of him for me? I need to see him on my cell phone when I'm sad.