Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Another day

OK. Today was even harder.

Someone who has even talked with me and who knows that we don't celebrate Christmas and that we celebrate Hanukkah, Passover and Sukkot asked me today if I had cancer. Her excuse was that she wanted to encourage me. I sat with her while training her and she KNOWS my situation.

That's fine and dandy. I just smiled and said, No I'm perfectly healthy, Thank you very much for asking.

The hardest part was finding out that the Physical Therapy that I've been looking forward to is $30.00 each and every time I go. Yeah, insurance will pay 100% of eligible expenses after specialty co-pay. So I may get to go to the evaluation, but I won't be able to go three times a week like my doctor wants me to go. It's frustrating. I'll go to the evaluation, look at the light at the end of the tunnel and continue eating pain pills and muscle relaxers. This November I'm tempted to turn off insurance altogether. I could sure use an extra 400 dollars a pay check. Then I'll just go to a pay as you go doctor. I know I'm just blowing steam. My husband and children need the medical insurance.

Oh, and I moved Family Night to Friday night so that we can celebrate Shabbat meal at home and I get an email saying, "get ready for a mandatory Saturday because the queues are so high". Our queues aren't high. Ours are empty. But I still have to work. And if I asked to be able to keep Saturdays for my God? Say goodbye to any kind of advancement. Goodbye to any kind of management position. That may be what is meant for me. Just work to pay the bills and forget fancy titles. Just humbly serve my God.

I think this has been the one thing about the headcovering that keeps me from throwing in the scarf. I keep reminding myself that covering my head is a battle of my pride. That serving God isn't about popularity or fitting in. I hope I learn these lessons. I hope I don't cave to pressure.

I think it's funny that no one posts comments on my blog anymore. I used to post things for fun. Now I post to get things off my chest. That's not very fun I guess. It is therapeutic.

PS Leelee, I love Hans. Could you email a picture of him for me? I need to see him on my cell phone when I'm sad.


  1. I'm sorry that you are struggling with other people's ignorance, Janine.

    I am praying for wisdom for those around you.

    Be blessed in God.

  2. I left you a comment the other day but it never showed up so I thought you must have comment moderation on and deleted it for some reason. I will send you a photo of Hans. I was going to send you the cutest photo of Tzipi and Hans, but silly me and my fancy camera, I deleted everything off the disc. Just a good reason for Tzipi to "have" to come back to see me. Love you.

  3. I understand your frustration. I remember when I first started working at different schools I felt weird, and many people would mention my dresses, hose, and hats. People don't so much ask me anything now because I have been seen around here in Lubbock for so many years now I don't think people even think about me or notice me. I really like wearing hats better than scarves because at my age I just look like some crazy old hat lady. And I am not nearly as good at tying the scarves so they look pretty like you do. I just never got the hang of it.
    I've wondered many times in these years since I started wearing coverings for my hair and dressing modestly why more women (Jews, Messianics, Noahides, and Christians/Catholics) don't choose to dress more modestly than they do. I think our society and culture has come to accept a shameful level of skin not being covered in public. I enjoyed your post from Aish about that, and do agree.