Monday, August 2, 2010


No matter how tiny I may feel, I have to remember I am in HIS hands.

I went to my neurologist today. Let's sum it up with... the answers created more questions.

When they did the MRI for my neck looking for lesions, they found a mass on/near my thyroid. I'll go in on the 10th for an ultra sound to see if it really is a mass. And maybe it's something to worry about.

Then my thoracic spinal MRI showed spinal fluid cavity. I go to a neurosurgeon for a diagnosis or more tests on the 10th too. For liability purposes my neurologist wouldn't/couldn't answer any of my questions regarding the cavity. Google is way too much power in the hands of the lay person. Let's just say, I would have been happier with a diagnosis of MS.  Pretty lame huh?

I would say I'm staying strong and positive, but that would be a big fat lie. I want to crawl in bed for a few days and cry. Not that it would make it better. It just feels like the normal thing to do. I'm tired of being tough. I'm tired of being strong.

I did do the b-12 shot and didn't feel a thing. That's a high note on an otherwise crappy day.

PS. I just wish I was half as cute as that little critter in the above picture. Oh well.


  1. I'm sorry you are so sick, and that you are facing more uncertainty, rather than finding answers.

    I learned a long time ago just to deal with it pretty much. I spent a while trying to discover answers to why I don't feel well. Mother and I have often talked about how the doctors seem never to be able to actually give a name to what is wrong with her either.

    I do understand what it is like just to want to stay in bed and not face things. That is called depression and I fight it almost all the time. Sometimes I win the fight - sometimes the big D (not Devora/Darla) wins. Nonetheless, the battle still rages.

    I hope you won't be facing that demon as well as the physical things going on with you too.

    I suppose my advice is to simply stay as positive as you can, accomplish what you can, and try not to worry about the rest. After all, we are all only expected to do what we can, with the help of heaven.

    I wish you guys lived here in Lubbock. It would be so nice to be able to keep the kids for you so you could rest, and nice to be able to spend more time together. I miss you all terribly. But, I understand the reality of you having a good job with good benefits. I just wish...

    I love you very much, and hope they can find something to help your health improve very quickly. May you be blessed with refuah schlema!

  2. I love you and you are cuter than the little critter!! My favorite new saying...that I find myself saying all the time is..."My heavenly Father knows all about this"! We are NOT going to WORRY or STRESS over any of this! One moment at a time sister!

  3. I agree. We will get through this together. Remember you are not alone and you have many people that care about you and love you.