Pat on the back

Work had an interesting feel to it today. We were told to make containers of some sort at the beginning of August. We had small squares of paper where we would write something nice about a co-worker and place it in their respective box. I made my box out of a tissue box and played with decoupage.

Well then today, we got an email telling us that we had until 5:00 today to finish with our "pats-on-the-back". People all over the floor were stuffing papers into everyone's boxes all day long. Then there's the feeling that someone put a note in your box and you feel obligated to return the favor. Thankfully, everyone that put a note in my box (that I saw) had one from me already in theirs. I got the feeling right away that it was about how many you gave, as opposed to how many got the most. I'll hopefully know for sure tomorrow (as we were not allowed to look at the notes all month long.)

It was a fun feeling, kind of like a holiday... even though it's just bits of paper and ink. I look forward to seeing the notes finally.

I remembered we did something similar to this a couple years ago, but it kind of backfired. Back then they said that it had to be work only related and job specific. Well only a few team leads got the bulk of the praise. Us newbies rarely helped anyone, but needed all the help. They didn't keep it so strict this time and it worked out much better. I think everyone got SOMETHING in their boxes this time.

Stay tuned for more...

HOT AND COLD

Wow. What an experience. Leelee took me to the hospital this morning for two tests.

The CT Angiogram was a "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" experience. They gave me an IV and then I laid down. The donut that goes around you rotates really really fast. It was a strange feeling. Then they quickly (and I mean quickly) inject this dye that makes you feel like you have an instant fever. That made me feel really yucky. Then I got the chills. Talk about roller coaster. Then I just stayed prone for about 5 minutes until the feeling wore off. The whole shabang took about 10 minutes from start to finish. I hurt and had pins and needles all over. Thankfully they had a wheelchair, so I wheeled to the waiting room for the second test. (At the very end my brain felt really really cold. Weird huh?)

The MRI was uneventful, but long. 45 minutes for one test. It was the lumbar region of my spine. The tech lady gave me a nice warm blanket and I got all cozy in the 7 foot long MRI machine. For those of us that hate confined spaces, I just recommend closing your eyes. If you can't see how tight the space is, it's better. I day dreamed about Tzipi's Barbie Birthday party, Pancakes with lots of butter and syrup, a shopping spree with actual money, and Three Falls Cove (not necessarily in that order). I had to fight panic once maybe twice. The muscle spasms forced me to stay a bit longer because I twitched during one of the pictures. So the tech had to redo the last picture which added 4 minutes to the thing.

I see an Ophthalmologist on the 1st of September. Hopefully I'll be able to get my eye allergy medicine prescription while I'm there because my eyes are so itchy. I'm going to check on my right eye which has possible retinal tearing.

There are times (like on the CAT SCAN bed) when I just want to run away from all of this and quit trying to solve this dang mystery, but I can't. I have to have my thyroid cared for, I need to have my back cared for, and I can't afford to lose the ability to walk. The pain I can handle. But I have to take care of my family.

At least I have my birthday to look forward to, Three Falls cove, my 10th anniversary, and Sukkot! This lady was 32 at the time of this picture.  I don't know her name. She had a whole litter of kids, but lived during the "dust bowl days". She was blessed with many children, but she had a hard life. I have it easy. I had a vacation day that I could take, so I could mentally recuperate from this medical stuff. She never had that. She never had a tech help her walk or lay a warm, clean blanket on her. I must keep my mind on the things that really matter. I wish I could go back in time and help her take care of that little one so she could take a nap.

I love my family so very much. Without you I have no idea where I would be. Thank you!

Something fun!

I so rarely get to shop at Target that it's quite a treat. I got to go run an errand and it was so much fun. Take joy in the little things!

Update on stuff

 

I went to the neurologist yesterday. Not fun. She did tell me that they found two growths on my thyroid during the ultrasound. I have an appointment with Dr. Usala on September 22nd. 

Then she went on to say that she doesn't know what is causing my problems. She wants to increase my anxiety medicine and give me a sleeping pill. After trying that for a month, she'll send me to Dallas. 

I was not happy. I feel like she's prolonging the pain and passing the buck. But I called my general practitioner and I'm going to see him today at 2:00. I just need someone to talk to about all of this and I need him to fill out my intermittent leave paperwork so I can keep my job. I'm 1 sick day away from getting fired. Plus I'm going to ask him for some pain help. I asked the neurologist for a TENS unit and she said she didn't see why I would need it. How is losing the ability to walk and not being able to feel my spine, stress related? Sure I'll say that the headaches could be stress related, but they aren't normal headaches. They are at the base of my skull and go down my neck and my eyeballs hurt and blinking hurts. I cried a lot yesterday. It's all quite a bit to take in.

Then my neurosurgeon called. I have a CT Angiogram on my neck and brain as well as another spinal MRI on Monday August 30th. He seems to think this is vascular. So I took a vacation day since I have no idea how I'll feel after the angio. 

I see a rheumatologist on the 15th of September.

I spoke with my very good friend at work. She survived the worst type of Thyroid cancer and she lives daily with RA. She explained that I need to find a new normal. I can't keep wishing for a pill to make everything better. I need to ask for help. I need to be my own advocate. I need to stand up for myself. She had numerous doctors tell her that it was all in her head, before finding an ENT that believed it was more than stress and found the cancer.

They have found things. The spinal disorder and the growths on my thyroid. I was perfectly healthy until I had shingles. So I'm not crazy. Yes, my life is stressful even without the health issues, but walking with a cane at 31 just doesn't make sense.

So this is the news. I feel like I'm playing musical specialists. 

SIDE NOTE: The Barbie picture just makes me happy.

We love you!

 

We love these two boys. They mean the world to us. I'm trusting that I will get to see them today and this horrible nightmare will be over.

First Day of School 2010 Wolflin Elementary

Mrs. Camp Third Grade

Mrs. Houston Pre-K

Tzipi goes to afternoon class. From 12 to 3. She drove her father crazy all morning. Is it time yet, now? How about now? Can we go now? I'm glad I was at work and missed it.

They both really like their teachers. Zee said that they don't have enough breaks and the students have to be quiet all the time (oh the horror!)

They were both ready for school. I pray that they learn good lessons and show a good example of Torah.

I am very proud of both of my smiley beautiful children!

Hans

 

When things are ruff and you need to be "in the now", hug Hans. He will kiss you and hug you and tell you that everything is OK right now. Don't think about yesterday or tomorrow. Don't worry about bills or drama or pain. Just know that right now, you are in the middle of a wonderful puppy love session and that is all that matters. 

Thank you for sharing him, Leelee and Kevin! Love you!

This is my new focus...to have Hans moments throughout my day!

Need a giggle? I did... Just "Google:Images": funny signs.

Such a sad, mad, bad day...

Well an update: Saw the neurosurgeon today. It was frustrating. Waiting and waiting and waiting just to be told that the spinal disorder I have isn't causing my symptoms. I burst out crying right then and there. 

(poor doctor)

  6 months of agony and he doesn't know what is wrong. So he said that we'd do a CT Angiogram of my neck and brain to see if the vessels are allowing blood to flow properly. Maybe it's vascular. Maybe it's neurological. It's certainly not the syringomyelia. It's too minimal to be causing all the trouble. When I saw the MRI for myself, I could tell. It's like a small soda straw. Not like the huge masses on the websites. The neurosurgeon said that I would need to have an MRI every six months to keep checking to make sure the syrinx doesn't get bigger. (This isn't my MRI... just kind of looks like it.)

So I will get a referral to the hospital for the CT scan (really not looking forward to that at all) and another Spinal MRI. I will hear from my neurologist on Thursday about my Thyroid ultra sound and I guess she'll talk to me about my next steps. I'm hoping she'll give me an RX for a TENS machine. I'd like to at least try using it and see if it helps with the pain. The neurosurgeon DID fill out the paperwork so I can have a handicap placard. YAY for not having to walk a mile to work!!! Woohoo! But I've been crying all day. I expect way too much out of life. I get let down way too often. No one said life would be easy, but golly I've had my share of stuff. I was hoping my adult life would be "normal". I'm still waiting...

Peaceful

Please, please, please!!!

http://www.foodnetwork.com/the-next-food-network-star/index.html

 You all know how much I love Indian food. I don't have cable or satellite TV, but I love going to the Food Network website and watching videos. I've been hoping for a long time that they would bring a chef that would feed my love for the Spicier things in life. My timing could not have been better. They are at the finale for "The Next Food Network Star" (down to 3) and guess who is the crowd favorite? A sweet lady named Aarti Sequeira from Dubai. YAY! She has the cutest website called "Aarti Paarti" and she mixes Indian and American cuisine. I'm so happy. I voted 10 times today and she has the most votes. I soooooo hope she wins. She already has an internet show, so she knows how to entertain an audience. Woohoo! I just need some buttermilk now so I can make her BAKED Samosas. Yum! I don't know when the actual show airs, so if you find out that she wins, please post on Facebook! Thank you!

http://www.aartipaarti.com/

Happy Birthday Sweetheart!

 

I added this picture because this has always been Avi's favorite holiday. He likes it even more than birthdays. Sukkot is only a few weeks away!

Avi, Happy birthday love. I hope this year gets better. You have been a dear and I know this hasn't been a great year, but having you by my side makes it all worth while. May the best of this year be the worst of next year! To many many more... the wife.

To Azariah...

 

I tried so hard to stay awake. I had the phone right next to my head. I am so sorry I missed your call. I love you so much. Hopefully things will be quiet and I can call you this morning. Have a great day and don't worry about home, we miss you and we love you and we want you to have a great time at Grandpa and Grandma's house.

Back in the Saddle again...

 

That's right folks... after a rough night's sleep and the alarm failing to go off and being awakened by my lovely husband, I got ready in a daze and made it off to work. I've been in a fog all day, but I got work done. I even went to the bank to get some bank stuff done. Sore, tired, but glad to be back to 'normal'.

Tomorrow after work I go to the hospital for the ultra sound on my neck. I'm sure it will be quick and I'll get to go home earlier than normal on a Tuesday. 

I'm listening to a very pleasant book. "An Irish Country Village" by Patrick Taylor. It's like "All Creatures Great and Small", only it's with people instead of animals. I'm enjoying it very much. I didn't want to leave my desk for dread of missing anything in this book. Like Ireland meets Grey's Anatomy or Boston MED.

It pays to go to the best!

 

I was frustrated with my dentist trying to fix all the problems in my mouth and not really know much about my mouth. Thankfully, I found someone who really knows a cleft palate when they see one. Amarillo Oral and Maxiofacial Center was great. I had surgery in their office, in a big long hall with lots of rooms. I didn't feel a thing. They were sweet and extremely knowledgeable. Everything was state of the art.  Dr. Smith and Dr. Graves were wonderful. I would highly recommend them to anyone who has to have a procedure that is out of the ordinary. 

I'm still in pain and it hurts to talk, but I know it's going to be great once everything heals. I'm glad I have 4 days to get over this so I can go back to work. Thank God for sick days. This isn't how I expected to use them, but I'm glad I had them. 

As you could probably guess, I'm bored again. Stuck in my room trying to stay absolutely still. I'm hoping that I feel better tomorrow so I can make a few cards while I'm lying in bed. We'll see.

If you know of something fun I can watch or do on the internet, please let me know. 

Bored and Sore in Amarillo.

When it rains it pours...

 

Well, guess what I get to do tomorrow? Have my wisdom teeth taken out. I'm in so much pain, even WITH two Lortab in my system, that I don't have much choice in the matter. So pray for me tomorrow at 9:00. I will be having two very annoying teeth removed. I have to have it done. Do I want to have surgery tomorrow? No. But it's either that or hire a hitman to kill me. Just kidding... The pain truly is THAT bad though.

Infinitesimal...

No matter how tiny I may feel, I have to remember I am in HIS hands.

I went to my neurologist today. Let's sum it up with... the answers created more questions.

When they did the MRI for my neck looking for lesions, they found a mass on/near my thyroid. I'll go in on the 10th for an ultra sound to see if it really is a mass. And maybe it's something to worry about.

Then my thoracic spinal MRI showed spinal fluid cavity. I go to a neurosurgeon for a diagnosis or more tests on the 10th too. For liability purposes my neurologist wouldn't/couldn't answer any of my questions regarding the cavity. Google is way too much power in the hands of the lay person. Let's just say, I would have been happier with a diagnosis of MS.  Pretty lame huh?

I would say I'm staying strong and positive, but that would be a big fat lie. I want to crawl in bed for a few days and cry. Not that it would make it better. It just feels like the normal thing to do. I'm tired of being tough. I'm tired of being strong.

I did do the b-12 shot and didn't feel a thing. That's a high note on an otherwise crappy day.

PS. I just wish I was half as cute as that little critter in the above picture. Oh well.

Life on Sunday...

 As a kid, I never dared say this phrase. As an adult and in the current state of things, I'm so bored. I already spent all my energy trying to find the best deal for school supplies. Why does a third grader need a 14 dollar 3" 3 ring binder? Especially when I could buy 3 1" binders for 50 cents! Arrrggghhhh.And last year, when I scrimped on a cheapo binder, it fell apart and Zee never told me till school was over. I did get 9 cent pencils and 19 cent highlighters. Office Depot had some good sales, but the best deals of the day were at Walgreens. I'm sure Walmart has some good things, but I don't shop there unless it's before 8am. I still need way more than I'd like to admit, but I'm half-way there. Two kids in school! ARG!

I go to Dr. Saulog's tomorrow and hopefully find out what all the tests say. I should start my B-12 shots tomorrow too.

My friend Corina came over and worked so hard on my house. It's so nice. I still have to work on my own room, but considering how much work we did on the rest of the house, I'm thrilled. I can't thank her enough.

Well, I guess I will find something lame to watch on Hulu.