Blessed are You, L‑rd our G‑d, King of the universe, the True Judge.

For 8 weeks I've been trying to accept being pregnant. Then Friday I learn there's no baby, just a blighted ovum. The nausea, the cravings, the care I took in eating 71 grams of protein, the prenatal vitamins, all a waste. 

So I had gone back to accepting that I was done having children. I'm happy with two. I was trying to make room for three. Now I have an empty space.

Avi comes in this morning and starts saying such sweet things about me. I'm thinking he's consoling me since I am in the process of miscarriage.

No he's about to tell me my father is dead. At 55.

My daddy, my favorite guy, my hero. Gone. I can't call him when I hear weird car noises. I can't call him when I need a sane voice. I can't call him when I need to hear his wisdom. I can't smell of his cologne (or was it aftershave) after he hugs me so tight it hurts because it's been too long. 

I can't sit in his lap and hold my breath so I don't crush him with my huge 5 year old body.

I can't hear him talk to perfect strangers as if they were his best friends.

I got to eat lunch with him one day when I was at work. It was my last time with him. I will cherish that forever. I expected to meet him at the Asian place across from where I work. Instead he's leaning on the building outside my door. I want to run to him, but I don't. I just slowly walk to him and act as if it's the most normal, common thing to do. People look at me when he hugs me and kisses me and puts his arm around my shoulder. I just grin like an idiot.

He taught me how to wait with patience. He taught me how to hold my tongue. He taught me how to work hard. How to be loyal and cherish family. I doubt all the words he said to me would fill much of a book, but each word was carefully chosen and thought out.

I hope I can be like him when I grow up. Good bye Daddy.

How I yearn for winter...

I love the cold crisp clean air.

No more bugs. No more pollen.

I love feeling warm in my home and looking out of the window to see the cold dark day.

The urge to bake and create grows deep within me.

People are in a state of anticipation for the holiday and family gatherings.

Winter makes me happy. Summer makes me yearn for cold days.

Fall is the announcer, preparing Winter's way. "Better prepare, it's almost here!"

Spring is a wonderful time of newness and growth, but winter makes you appreciate it so much more.

Busy but unproductive at the same time!?

Tzipi is such a tom boy. She got to shoot Zee's bb gun for the first time, and she's a great shot!

Don't worry, Avi is with her the whole time and we are teaching her all the necessary rules to bb gun safety. But she is definitely more interested in it than Zee is. 

oh, and see this? This is my nightmare. The stupid idiotic dryer is the most complicated piece of machinery ever, when I know most dryers are not. The back doesn't come off. You have to disassemble the entire thing, top and front and take the entire thing apart and the stupid dryer element is 80 bucks. THEN one of my clothes lines broke with clean wet clothes on it. This is a little thing in the great scheme of things, but right now it feels freakin HUGE!

Too Embarassed

Ok. So I really need to work on my room. I had it pretty organized for a while, and then I had my birthday and it became the dumping ground. I really SHOULD take a before picture, but I just don't think I could bare showing you how bad it's become.

So I hope that I can get it all organized and cleaned this weekend. I'm really tired of the mess.

Will she get it done? Tune in next time, for another exciting chapter of Neesnovellas.

What a good Dad

I'm sorry that they are lopsided photos, but I just wanted to post them quickly and I don't know how to edit them like Leelee does. Anyway... Tzipi was really eager to practice her chosen profession with her Abba. She washed his hair, put a towel around his neck and had him sit in a chair. He let her trim just a little.

 

He looked in the mirror, gasped and said, Oh it's wonderful Tzipi. I don't think I'd be trusting enough to let her practice on me. 

He's such a good Dad!

A new post!

There's no particular order to this post. I took these picture before and during our trip to Austin. This was Bunny sitting in the grass while we were waiting for Leelee to come get me.

I'm not sure you can see the bird, but there is a bird on this table and he steals a big huge conglomeration of french fries.  

This was our dinner in the hotel. It was so delicious! See the box? Scroll down to see whats in it.

Zee made this and I'm not sure if you can see that it's 3D! It's awesome!

This is a lamb. Tzipi made it. So adorable!

See how Hans' legs are stretched out. I love it when goggies do this.

See Polly? We love her.

I told you! They are amazing. Strawberry cupcake and a carrot cake cupcake (say that really fast).

Here is Lazer looking out of Zee's window. He's such a good kitty. (Even if he is the biggest scaredy cat in the world).

I thought these tiles were beautiful. I took pictures.

The tiles were on our tables at Chilis. The food was amazing. Too much food, but it was so delish! 

OK, Leelee... you gotta blog about the Historical Marker we stopped at. I'm so tempted, but I want YOU TO! I think the whole story is so awesome!

My Birthday

I never take pictures during the times I wish I did! Oy! So I'm taking pictures after the fact. I think my mom may have taken some pictures.

The cards and bookmarks from the party.

Flowers from Avi (and a new vase) and Flowers from my Dolores and Cheryl.

The neato organizer from Leelee.

the Deckard Clan

It was so sweet of my mom to offer to throw a party when I turned 33. Typically parties happen for big years (30, 40, etc...) The challenge was that I have so many people that would come and it was just hard. I tried for two months to find a place big enough to accommodate everyone without freaking people out. I could have done it at the Temple, but that would have made people uncomfortable. I could have done it at a restaurant, but then people would have to eat. So I gave up and invited only a few friends from work and had it at my home. It was intimate and nice.

Mom got me some great clothes. I will try and get some pictures of the clothes.

Thank you all for the birthday wishes.

33 has started out really well!

Love you!

Oh Goodie!

Guess what? I need to do laundry. And my dryer needs repair. Ugghh.. Which means I am very grateful for the fact that I have a clothes line, but golly what a lot of work! On my birthday the same load of clothes stayed in the "dryer" (or should I say the spinner) all day long (and now need to be rewashed). And even though our front yard is the greenest on the block, our back yard looks like it's never known care or love. I think I have an orchard of baby apricot trees in the back yard. YIKES! So I am looking at a day of in and out and up and down and heave and ho! Better get it started.

Thirty Three

I have a good feeling that 33 is gonna be great! I am so blessed to be having another year. A year to become a better wife, and a better mother. A year to find more to be grateful for. A year to get stronger and choose good words. Another year to learn more. Another year to learn what I need to know.

I was calling 2010 the worst year, but I have changed my perspective on that. That year lead me to find the important things in life and to get serious about the things that matter to me. That having a spotless house isn't the end all. That I can only do what I can do. To find contentment in life, because in the end that is happiness. What I have is what I need. 2010 was a real solid turning point for me, and I am grateful for that.

2011 will be over before I know it and with it a new year with new challenges. I have two beautiful children and a husband that loves me as well as an amazing family full of wonderful people that love me too! What more could I ask for?

Thank you Hashem!

Jury Duty

Ugghh... I was just thinking the other day when I saw "jury duty" written on someone's board at work, golly I've never gotten Jury Duty since I got married. WOW! Wish I hadn't had that thought.

At first I thought, hmm... it won't be so bad. I still get paid at work.  Oh, and let's also mention that there are only three people on my team and we used to be a team of 6, so any time one of us is absent, it causes a lot of stress to the other two team members.

Then I saw that I have to go to Canyon. I've never driven there intentionally. I've driven through and I've been with family, but I've never driven in Canyon. I have my Google Maps on my phone, so I'm not terribly worried, but it's just one more thing.

The only time I served, it was an eye opening experience. I felt that the guy that was trying to get rich from the people he was in court with, was the guilty party. Right off the bat. And I was with a group of people that wanted to award tons of insurance money to the guy. I would have none of that. The guy was an alcoholic and was the cause of the accident, from my perspective and I wasn't going to give him a dime. The company was a small trucking company, and the insurance premium increase would probably cause great strain to a small business and might even cause them to close up shop. Well, I was 21 and all the other jurors were much older than I was. So each time I wrote $0.00, they would get so angry. It was tough being the odd man out. Finally they asked me what is the least amount I would give him just so we could get out of there. After hours of deliberation and for me, personal heartbreak, I awarded the man only legal and medical fees to the tune of $108,000.00. I still think it was insane. My mom took me to a restaurant and bought me my favorite drink, Sangria. We talked and I came to terms with at the time I saw as caving.  Our justice system is very confusing.

So September 13th, please be nice to me. Just settle out of court and cancel the whole dang thing.