Insomnia Sucks

Ok, it's midnight and I can't sleep. How lame is that?!?!

It's been a rough couple days. My body just gave out on me yesterday morning. I tried to go to work, but just couldn't. The pain was bad and it's frustrating. I think it's my thyroid. After having those nerve blocks (which I do not regret one instant) the iodine that they used to locate the nerve freaked out my thyroid. I'm supposed to go back to my doctor in August, but in the meantime I'm a sweaty mess. The beta blocker has helped with the nagging heart issues, but the other things that no one wants to hear about are still a frustrating addition to my issues.
Suffice it to say, I spent the day with the kids and with Avi. I decided to push myself to go to the Zoo. I used a cane and was in a great deal of pain, but I am sad that I don't get to do as many fun things as I want to with the kids. The kids had a good time and it was precious getting to be with them. Tzipi was concerned and kept holding my elbow and grabbing me whenever she thought I looked weak. Perhaps I should have just stayed in bed, but even when I lay down I just get reminded of the pain. I do have to say that the Zoo is cool. I haven't been since they started charging (3$ for adults, 1$ for children 3-12), oh and it's free on Mondays. The new reptile/amphibian exhibit was cool in more than one way (can we say, yay for A/C???) The lemurs were amazing and I think the lion has grown into quite the elegant King of Amarillo. If you haven't been in a while, go! They need your money!

I have been focusing a lot on my marriage lately. It's never easy, but the book "the care and feeding of husbands" by Dr. Laura is a great book. It has helped open the door of communication and I really feel positive about my relationship with my husband. I actually think I like being married. The alternative isn't so pretty and I know it's a good thing to have a successful marriage. I would love to be able to see a golden anniversary. Quitting is easy. Staying isn't. But I want to have an old guy next to me on the porch in the evenings when I am old. The one that was with me when I saw our baby after surgery that first time and held me when I didn't think I was strong enough. The one that stayed with me during the worst part of my illness when I couldn't get out of the bath by myself. The one that never misses a chance to tell me how much I mean to him. Why would I want to give up on him when he wants the same things I do? We are both determined to make this work, and that is what counts.

Tzip is having issues, but what kid doesn't? She's working on them and I think she's just finally realizing that she's not a baby anymore. The transition has been rough on her, but she has a great big heart. She wants to learn to control herself, but she's just struggling with it. She's great when she knows what to do and how to act, but when she's tired and pushed she reverts to a wild thing. She's been biting us all lately and even though she feels terrible about it, we're working on find other alternatives for it. I sure hope we can get a handle on this before school. I asked her what could she do instead of biting and she gives good answers, but that's when she's not in the situation. It's like the story of the two wolves in side of us. The calm and gentle one and the wild and vicious one. The one we feed is the stronger of the two and will win every time. So we're finding ways to feed the calm and gentle one. I've watched her carefully and she just has a mouth thing. I'm wondering if it's like the mouth thing that smokers have. They need something in their mouth be it a carrot stick or toothpick when they quit. We just graduated from family counseling, so I can't address it with our counselor. I guess I could call her. We'll just work more on using our words to express our feelings and keep praying for guidance with her precious soul.

Zee is so much like I was at his age. He went on a sleepover and because they left the TV on, he couldn't sleep. I am the same way. I hated it when they left the TV on at sleepovers. It took me YEARS to discover that I wouldn't get in trouble if I got up and turned off the dang thing. He worried that it wasn't his place to turn it off and is just now recovering from the lack of sleep. I marvel at how we develop as individuals. We are so much alike in many ways, but he is his own man. He stands up for both his abba and I, and will stop any discussion that gets heated. He is always asking us how our marriage is. And tzniut (modesty) is so very important now. I can see why the rabbis say that we have to be vigilant when they turn 9. I thought it was being over the top, I mean come on, 9?! But he is already thinking about marriage and needing the love of a woman. It's a challenge to focus his energies in the right area. And Tzip is a little wild indian. We struggle to keep clothes on this bird. So help me! I realize that it's hot, but we have had the A/C on all summer. For Zee's sake as well as Avi's we are forever getting her dressed in the same clothes throughout the same day! Help me Creator! This little being loves being without clothes. I wear clothes all day. So I don't know why she thinks this is ok! But fall will be here before I know it. She plays the game "NOT TZNIUT" with me where we look at dolls or pictures and decide whether the person is modest or not. She is sensitive to it, but I just think she doesn't like the way clothes feel. I've gotten rid of anything that is itchy or doesn't fit well, but maybe it's just a habit for her to take her clothes off throughout the day. We'll win this one just like the other ones. I'm praying for a successful year in kindergarten for her.

Well, let's see if I can sleep now!

Well, it's almost 1am. Surely I've emptied my whole brain with this post!!!